To Know Your Will

Lately i have been thinking about how much i need to look forward in life. I mean yes i am in this great walk of enjoying what God has given me, but do i truly see how much he loves me. Do i understand that he loves me so much that he wants to be all within me. I mean yea it is easy to get caught up in the Christian life and go to concerts, seminars, lectures, and many other things, but not view yourself in the field where he wants you to sow.

Yesterday i was reflecting upon a writing in one of my books. I had no idea what to think about for the questions were confronting me. Imagine saying to God "here i am" this just powerful. There is a song by Desperation Band called "I Will Go" and it talks about Isaiah's experience being in front of the Lord. I always heard this song, yet did not reflect upon it. I was reminded about my calling. I so self-centered right now, where i am forgetting where i am suppose to go in life. I need to remember that this is one of my big prayer topics that i once had. If i want to tell the world about God, i got to know my field. I got to have a battle cry.

I have no idea where i am suppose to go. Yes i do say medical field, but now that i am experiencing more of God's love, i am seeing more and experiencing more than before. There is this passion and confidence, yet where will i go? First off, will i give up my life. To trust God is to have faith in all his sovereignty and control over creation and this reality we live in. I mean he has given me the eyes to see, but will i honestly take hold of his heart. I have this guilt as i start to ponder more upon this subject. I am unclean and feel like Isaiah many times in my walk. Isaiah 6 is just powerful for the angels cleaned him with the coals of the alter. Fire either consumes or cleans. Well will i let my dry bones be consumed by the fires of this world, or cleansed by God's love.

If i had a feeling that i would die soon, i would ask God for one more day or two. I would ask him, hey can i spend more time with my family, with friends, can i go to Europe, can i skydive. I mean i would ask for my own personal wants. Does this makes sense in which i am wanting Christ's will? I as well as other Christian are forgetting what it means to say "here am i". That we will honestly forfeit all that is ours. Will i spend my life giving up? Ministry is a big part of me right now and am involved with some. Although, am i there for my own will or Gods?

This is my prayer topic. I want to be cleansed. I want to able to hear God's calling once again. I want to be able to let go. I want to say "here i am, send me". I am so overwhelmed by his grace, that i have to remind myself, that it is not meant to be kept, but shared. Everyday i am ruined for i am full of sin. I mean i deserve hell. God does not need us, but we need him. Since the beginning of time we needed him. Yet will i say my life is all for Christ. Will i take that step and drop everything i am seeking and realize he is God.