Prayer Morning

Lord, so I tried to read Judges for the first time and it was so crazy and I could not keep up. I just noticed how much Israel sinned against you and how you allowed their tongues taste the venom of there desire.

Now that I write that, do you today, do that with your children. You are a loving Father, but as a Father do you let us take up to what we are craving to realize that we have fallen into sin. Lord I want to serve you, that is if your grace is being poured into my vessel. It is easy to fall into the fowler's trap, yet even David knew that you would deliver your children from such a snare in our lives. I do hope Lord that I continue to be steadfast in your presence. I love to be under your covering. I long to continue to be there. I thank you Father with the opportunity to apply AS and SMU positions. As well I hope to earn that $1500 scholarship for next school year. I do not know how I can survive. I need you to be my provider and in everything I need, I want to ask you my Provider. I do not want to miss the mark when in comes to my Lord. I am a sinner and all I continually need your healing. You are Yahweh Rapha and Yahweh Raah. Lord continue to be my good Shepherd.

There is a song that I am listening to and these lryics are true to me;

I just want to bless your Name!

I just want to give you glory!

I just want to make you proud!

Lord, only your righteousness make make me righteous for your Name sake. Lord, I may not be worrying about my financial situation right now, but Lord Jireh, I plea for your promise and security. May you be my security and promise. O, my soul, sing out the truth. Hold to truth. Listen to truth and let it consume you. Do not, I say do not fall into idolatry. My King is my only God. Lord I am made of dust and please do not let me go down without praising you. Your my corrector. I hold to your Word that I will not fall into destruction of my enemies. Only you can sanctify. May I look to David as a great example to say that I want to continue to dwell in you. You are here. Lord may you see my prayers. My you hear them. Abba send out your prayer warriors. May I make you proud. May you pour your grace into me.

Love You, Never let go.

Morning Prayer

The Lord is the King of the most high.

His great presence fills the heavens and the earth.

No temple can contain the train of his robe.

The burning ones will continue to cry;

Holy, Holy, Holy.

And for God does not need us for His glory,

But Lord I ask may you see your creation.

May you not turn your heart from us.

Take heart Father, for your Son is our life.

May the cross and resurrection be our foundational hope.

May we glorify your Son, so that you may be glorified.

The heavenly host continually glorify you because you glorify them.

May you do the same with your sinful ones, who look to your Son.

Jesus right now my life is full of uncertainty.

My life has gone down a road that is most difficult.

I will honestly say, it sucks.

My heart longs to glorify you, and I hope that I am doing that not on my own righteousness.

Savior take an ear to me;

do not forget me.

I cannot survive on my own as a young man.

My enemies are laughing at me.

People long to see my desturction.

The world is waiting for me to crash and burn.

But I tell them, "NO!"

I say my Creator will come and will do something awesome.

Lord, I repent. I ask you to search my heart.

May you weigh it.

This sounds so crazy for me, but Jesus, may you pour your glory so that I may glorifiy you.

My finances are down to the last pennies.

Let my heart not fall into temptation.

I do not want to steal to taint you name.

I do not want to be prideful to forget Your almighty Love.

I ask you to give me your daily bread.

May you God of Isaiah and Hezekiah, hear me.

Can you see me.

I am longing to be brought to still waters.

My heart longs to be taught your righteousness, so that it may be for Your Name sake.

O Lord, create in me a Zeal in my heart.

Lord, I need You.

I NEED YOU.

May Your Holy Spirit fill me up.

May you HOly Spirit come.

I welcome you into my sinful heart.

My heart is broken and many things are all over the place.

YOu know the depths of my sins.

Please forgive me.

Take joy in me my King.

Take delight.

I will be for real. My heart wants to give up.

My faith is on its edge.

I want to act. I want to listen to my first instinct.

But Father are you not, the God of those before me.

The God of Dan Carol , the God of Bob, the God of David Wilkerson,

The God of Billy Graham, The God of the sinner, The God of Paul, The God of Peter,

The God of Haggii, The God of Isaiah, The God of Hezekiah, The God of Solomon,

The God of David, The God of Joshua, The God of Esther, The God of Daniel, The God of Moses, The God of Joseph, The God of Jacob, The God of Abraham, The God of Job, The God of the first sinner, Adam.

Jesus be with me. Please hear me. May I follow your decrees. May I know your heart.

I seek Your face. I seek your love.

O my strength is gone and I long to hold you.

I am a sinner, but I need my Savior.

I am washed Lord, but I struggle in a World who tries to be the Holy Spirit.

You the True Holy Spirit, who speaks Truth.

Take hold and abide in me.

Fulfill Scripture.

Do not forget Jesus' promises.

I hold to them close to my heart.

The Word is my Everlasting Life along with Jesus Christ.

Today...

I got to say its been sometime since I have journal on blogger, since I have started in a small booklet. I need to by a real journal.

But I am doing this to remind myself of the event that happened today since my small booklet its out of space.

Well Lord you know more than me about my situation and you know that I am in a really difficult position. I have no sense of being able to move. I am seeking you constantly. I feel convicted and yet having grace. It sounds funny, but Lord today I just came before you once again.

I started my day by heading to BeachPoint church near Huntington Beach and I found it hard to really see myself there. I just know that it is not the place that I am suppose to be at for my internship. I know my calling to to help people and know Your heart for the lost, orphans, and widows. I was glad to bring Jacob along with me and he received much grace coming along. The message was about having many mentors, having people along side, and under as disciples. I long for this to be some what established by Your Name sake. End of Philippians 3 and short part of 4.

We went to In-N-Out and I had a weird feeling that my number would be #1, but I ended up being 99 and Jacob was 1. We talked about how it was like the 99 sheep and the 1 that Jesus went after and then I thought about how I was trying to be the first, when I am the last. I dont know what it was really meaning for, but I ended up getting away from everyone and headed to the Chapel to spend time in prayer.

I laid there trying to pray and talk and its sometimes most difficult to start. I want to sleep a bit, but I longed to say something. I was fighting to talk or say something from my heart. I ended up repenting and looking. You above all, know that I try to start with wanting to praise You for being Sovereign. Its most difficult in the midst of my season Lord. These past 3 weeks have been hard. But I started reading 2 King and Chronicles because I wanted to read about Isaiah and King Uzziah and his Son. It amazing how much Hezekiah fell into pride and then into the hands of what You already knew. Lord I find it scary that You can make even our sins go back to Your Glory and then we somewhat are cursed or pulled into our sins. I still question if that can still happen today, and I do not want to be numb to the fact that maybe it still does. I mean Jesus You wash our sins, but You character and main redemptive plan is still in action.

I need you Lord as much as Isaiah and Hezekiah came before You. Lord my financial situation is so bad. I do not know how I will pay for my last payments on my car. I do not know where I will go to live, I do not know if I can make a job, I do not know if my home Church is where I need to be interning at. I know that I feel at peace being there. I will try to apply for AS and SMU. I have no clue on living and finances.

So has I continued on I realized that I needed to continue my reading in Luke. So, crazy thing happened. I read the first of three parts of Luke 15. It was about the 99 and 1 sheep. I had a sense that I needed to repent more. So I repented my addiction to adulatory of money, my pride, my idea that tithing is giving to others and not the church first, because I think it may have deep down been a move of my own self glory. I confessed my lust and how my eyes wonder here and there. I confessed how I used my parents to support me for to long and made it seem like I supported them financially, but it was more like, "hey since I got myself to take care of, that is your support." I know there is more, but I cannot see it all.

But Lord I ended going back to Ezekiel 34 and then to Psalm 23. I feel as I have held on to Psalm 23 so much and I cannot let it go. Crazy thing and I hope it was not just my nose. But as I started to pray more and repeated the verses as best I can, I smelled the awesome smell of anointed oil. I missed it so much because of healing rooms, but I kept on smelling it and could not stop sniffing since I enjoyed it. I looking around me to see if it was from someone, but no one looked like they had a bottle. I started to just thank you for everything. I love Psalm 23.

Lord, although I write this I may forget just like the Israelites. Lord please help me. I am crying for HELP!!! FOR STRENGTH!! FOR DIRECTION, FOR SUPPORT, FOR EVERYTHING. LORD SAVE ME, HEAL ME, RESTORE ME, RENEW ME. AMAZE MY FAITH FOR YOUR NAME SAKE. LORD I AM A SINNER THAT CANNOT FIND NO OTHER HOPE, FAITH, OR LOVE IN YOU. YOU ARE MY LIFE, YOU ARE MY SAVIOR, KING, PRIEST, AND PROPHET. COME LIKE THE SWIFT WIND SO I CAN REST IN YOU. MY SHEPERD WILL SAVE ME, I KNOW IT. I KNOW IT SOME HOW. O MY SOUL CRY. O MY SOUL WHAT LITTLE LEFT IS HANGING ON HANG ON. O MY SOUL KNOW THAT YOUR GOD IS THE GOD OF ALL BEFORE YOU AND ALL HAD FAITH.

HEBREWS 11