The Start of Desert Two

So i have come to conclusion while at Biola. I have entered my next Desert. I mean i do not know how long i will be seeing myself in this situations, but already my heart is breaking. I want to snap, this time its not because of myself, but home. I feel like i have left something so fragile, so lost, so empty. Home needs constant prayer and support. I feel so hurt to see this happen. It kills me inside to even think about it. I feel like i need to support them spiritually, emotionally, and physically. Especially my dad. My dad needs me i know. I know he needs You more Christ, but he needs me too. As a person who watching his dad accept Christ and is praying and trusting is You Christ so much, then get hit in the face with everything is just heart breaking. I know Your hearts breaks too, So please Father, Savior, be so graceful and have mercy on him. I may not know the main picture, but You have to see the broken hearts right now. I know how empty a desert is, it just hurts to see the person trying so hard to fall into it. I thanked You for at least letting my heart know to warn him of the pain to come. I see my mothers eyes and they are full of hate and darkness. I cant even talk to her. Its as if my mom and dad switched places, yet my dad has found something that my mom cannot understand some what. It hurts to talk like this, but i have seen it and it sucks. Spiritual eyes are a blessing yet painful.

I am glad to be away and start a new, but i know i am going to fall. Driving from here to home for tutoring will in itself be a toll on me. I have this car payment that just kills me, yet i got to endure. I find it hard to not worry. I find myself some what vulnerable such as when i started at Art School. I know this is where i am suppose to be, but know growing as a man and helping family, its hard. They mean a lot and all i want to do is have them see what i see. I guess that my goal in life right now, above all the wants to pursue a degree. Family. Family is so important and i will die for it. I want them to be one with You as the center. I find myself in You Christ, that i cannot walk this road without thinking how much You are needed.

I ask Jesus, for Your Love and comfort. I need it, i need it. I need to be able to let go of somethings, but at the some time i cannot because its my nature to fight back. Seasons come and go, but my heart is telling me, that something is important and i need to keep my heart and prayers towards You. Father, help my father. Teach him and me to be the men You called Your children to be. You are more that life. Help me to draw closer to You. I long to understand Your heart and i have seen just a cup full of it compared to Your huge oceans of Love. But can You not just hear my prayers but my fathers. I want to cry right now, just thinking of how much he is in the desert, because he and many other things surly did put me in that situation and every night i cried and felt so empty, felt to dark, felt so lost, felt so alone, felt so far, i was in the darkest of darks. I cannot help but relate because i know what it feels and i am remembering what it feels. Its not good. Its not good. For three to four years, it was not good, yet You was there hurting too. It just hurts to see my dad go what i went through, because its hard. The hardest thing.

Here us Father.
Be the Savior in the time of need.
Please shine where darkness reigns.

The Desert

As i write this, i am not sure what is of its purpose, but hopefully it comes to me.

After accepting Christ, my life was forever changed. I do not remember the night clearly, but i bet i was truly in the state of being thirsty and hungry for truth. I know that my heart was wanting to see and walk so quickly. So He heard. He knew that for my true self to be born, i must enter the desert. I did not think about it like this during the time, but just realized this a couple months back. I mean to me i think my desert was four years long and consisted so much content. I would not even know where to start. Maybe the fact of being broken hearted from a girl, that i grew close too.

The most crazy part was my identity. I had no idea who i was. I grew up wanting to be noticed, but i was an average geeky kid. I tried to be apart of different groups of people and tried to do things i was never good at. Only thing i was good at was Halo 2. My identity was truly there. Sad to say but from 5pm-1am i was playing with my Halo friends. We all knew each other and would play every night talking about life, making videos, looking for glitches, and just being that nerd. For a good two years i had my Halo life. I look back and it was fun, but that was not me. So i tried to be the same in school, but failed. Senior year i was hit with depression and fell hard. I mean i would even cry at school and would not dare to go home for it had my Halo life there, but my family itself was shit. I would close my door and just play for hours to run away from the problems down the hall. I was lost in my frustration at home and at school i had nothing but church.

Even in church i was not truly home. Being apart of a Korean church, i had so much pain. I was still in the mist of a desert. I was not realizing my identity. I am not korean thats a fact. Same goes for Moses. He was a Hebrew, yet was living in the mist of Egyptians to grow into the man he was born to be. Looking back now i see it. I saw how Christ was in the mist of every situation and feeding me the fruits that i needed to be whom i have become today. I have this driving passion. This steadfast goal to let the whole world know of Christ and less of me. Its still a struggle to not be caught up in the voices of the world, but i realize why i Love worship so much. We where called to worship God such as the angels. Its that drive in ourselves to worship. Worship is a daily thing.

So many times i tried.

I am a growing tree.

I have always been strong.

I am ashamed.

I am tired of running.

I am ready to breathe You in.

Im going.

Cover me.

I try so hard to not walk alway when things dont go my way.

I cant make this happen.

Cant let fear control me.

Got to hang on to You.

I got to think of all the times You were near.

You were near every single time.

Especially in my secret place.

I will miss the secret place.

Yet i will come and visit looking at the city remembering that You have forgiven

That You have saved.

Today was awesome. Biola has an atmosphere that is just great to be at. Being able to have prayer before class, meals, and have times of fellowship is just awesome. Everyone is great and just having a dorm to live in is cool. Im just full of alacrity. Cant wait to to fix up dorm. But i do not know the storms to come. So i must stay focus. I must keep my eyes on the prize. I must see Christ and not me in all situations. Lord i ask for many Proverbs. I ask to hear my Psalms. I hope to keep You Love Above All Else.

What It Means to Walk On the Moon

Irwin and Scott worked for an extended period with little rest prior to their liftoff. “Apparently, when Jim was suiting up his water tube kinked so he wasn’t able to get any water,” recalls Mary Irwin, his wife.

Outside their spacesuits, the temperature on the lunar surface was 150 degrees. “He perspired like crazy,” Mary says. “He was losing his electrolyte balance. An imbalance of sodium and potassium can trigger a heart attack," she notes.

While Irwin did not suffer a heart attack, flight surgeons on earth who monitored the men were alarmed when they saw both astronauts develop irregular heart rhythms.

Irwin’s situation was more severe, with abnormal heartbeats every other beat. Neither man was told about their condition by Mission Control. Flight surgeons reasoned they were already getting 100 percent oxygen, they had continuous monitoring of their vital signs, and they were at zero gravity – conditions that partially replicated or even exceeded an ICU unit back on earth.

NASA also had concerns about wider dissemination of this sensitive health information. “If doctors said something and it was on the loop, who knows who would have leaked that to the press,” Mary notes. “They didn’t need that kind of situation terrifying people.”

As Irwin moved about the lunar surface, apparently unaware of his precarious health situation, he was struck by the size of the earth – about the size of his thumbnail.

“I was just amazed to see the earth,” he said. “It reminded me of a Christmas tree ornament – a very fragile one, hanging majestically in space. It was very touching to see earth from that perspective.”

At one point, Irwin had trouble with a planned experiment. “He was erecting an experiment that wouldn’t erect, due to a cotter pin or something of that nature,” Mary recalls.

Frustrated in his attempts to get the experiment to work, Irwin decided he would pray.

While raised in a Christian home – and a believer and churchgoer since age 10, he was a nominal Christian at this stage of his life. “Maybe he walked away from his walk with the Lord a little,” Mary suggests. “He described himself as a ‘bump on a log Christian.’”

But he really needed wisdom due to this problem and he said, “God I need your help right now.”

Suddenly Irwin experienced the presence of Jesus Christ in a remarkable way, unlike anything he ever felt on earth. “The Lord showed him the solution to the problem and the experiment erected before him like a little altar,” Mary says.

“He was so overwhelmed at seeing and feeling God’s presence so close,” she says. “At one point he turned around and looked over his shoulder as if He was standing there.”

This unusual encounter with Jesus – some 238,000 miles from earth, changed Irwin’s life forever.

After his return from the moon, Irwin rode in a ticker tape parade through the streets of New York. “There were thousands of people lining the street and he was trying to see all their faces,” Mary recalls. “God dropped it in his heart that he had a responsibility to mankind to share Jesus with everyone after that.”

Like other men in church history who have experienced dramatic encounters with God, the result was an increased power to witness for Jesus Christ, a confidence and boldness that fueled his passion to become an emissary for Jesus Christ to the nations.

Within a year of Irwin’s return from space, he resigned from NASA and formed High Flight Foundation, which is on a quest to reach the world as “goodwill ambassadors for the Prince of Peace.”

“God decided that He would send His Son Jesus Christ to the blue planet,” Irwin said, “and it’s through faith in Jesus Christ that we can relate to God. Jesus Himself said, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes unto the Father except through me.’

“As I travel around I tell people the answer is Jesus Christ, that Jesus walking on the earth is more important than man walking on the moon.”

For two decades, Irwin traveled the world and presented small flags he carried from the moon to the leaders of various countries. “These flags were so powerful,” says Bill Dodder, a close friend to Irwin. “He took flags to each country as a means to witness for Jesus Christ.”

Dodder traveled with Irwin on several expeditions to Mt. Ararat in search of Noah’s Ark. “We ran the Great Wall of China together,” Dodder recalls.

Irwin continued to suffer heart problems after he left the space program. On the 20th anniversary of the Apollo 15 mission, he spoke in Aspen, Colorado. The next day he took a long bicycle ride to the Maroon Bells near Aspen. After the ride, he collapsed due to a massive heart attack and went to live forever with the God he loved – the same one he encountered on the surface of the moon.

It is ironic, perhaps, that his heavenly homecoming was within hours of the 20th anniversary of his earthly homecoming from the moon.

Dodder was with Irwin on the day he passed away. “The day before he died he said, ‘All I want to do is be faithful.’”

Need to Express the Walk

I have been realizing where my heart belongs. It belongs to Christ heart. I cannot be satisfied with my walk if i cannot Love as He so Loved me and everyone else. We are broken, we are thirsty, we are cold, we are hungry, we are wanting, we are seeking belonging, we are seeking truth, hope, faith, and above all Love. He brings all that.

Tonight was awesome in this aspect. Just being able to see outreaches in person, i know that where He is showing me to look. I had struggled so much to understand this feeling in the past, but now i see it. I see why i struggled at SWCC, it was just the fact that my heart was looking to step out of my comfort zone. I had already grown, but it was time to spread my wings. Not saying SWCC is bad, but my heart does not follow what the church is seeking. How can one only be wanting to use its burning passion if it is covered. You know tonight i was apart is a out reach in downtown fontana, but is was not my church, it was the church across the street. Guess what and they had nothing to do what Water of Life, but they did open there hearts to other church to work together to complete a purpose and that was to reach to those who are thirsty, hungry, cold, lost, poor, lonely, and seeking truth, hope, faith, and Love. Its sucks so say it like that, but why is it that i find myself in such situation, its as if destiny was leading.

Tonight i was able to meet some new people and be apart of future outreaches. I just know now i am facing what Christ heart seeks for us to face. That we truly reach out with Love and not duty. Everyone i know does it out of Love. Yeah everyone is at different walks, but everyone keeps each other accountable and in prayer, something that is essential. I see that this consuming fire is alive. That me seeking God's heart is being so powerful in my life. Christ has worked so much through Water of Life for my family. Its as if i am not only growing there, but my family is too. Its awesome. Its crazy that i can pray with my dad and mom and just talk about how our God is Loving. They have much to see, but its amazing when you seeks Christ's heart the Holy Spirit makes moves that just are crazy. I never understood this concept, but now i am. I will never understand Christ's Love and plan, but what little i do, i will do my best to shine. I will enjoy this season, it says in the Bible, that i should enjoy this time of happiness while it is here. Seasons may change, but i must see my Savior through the changes. Right now i am expressing my walk that before i was having trouble to do so. Glad to be apart of His heart and just the blessings and people that are apart of it.

Tonight

I just got to say, Father, thank you for letting Your son be my light. There is this hope in me that strive to trust You Christ. Help me to do things right. Help me to focus on You and lose what i needed to be lost for much is to be gained. Truly i cannot walk without Your helper. Help me to remember that drive for You. Help me to see why those nights i fell asleep hurt, but knowing You held me. Help me to reconnect like before. I wan to learn that wonder all over again and know Who You Are. O how much to rely, for You all i have to make things rights and seek Your heart in all situations. Thanks for this new growth and see what You are in me. Help me and guide me. Be in me and shine through me. I seek You from the inside out. Love You.

-Your Son

Doing What is Right

Tonight, last night, the nights before i feel like You are trying to get my attentions. I do not want to be ambiguous with my emotions. I want to see You guide me Father. You know where i am week and how much i need You. After having this talk tonight, i feel like You are really trying to protect me, but still offering the freedom to move if i like. I am grateful for Your Love. I am glad You see to have this freedom in me, yet You already know how i will act, but just please guide me. Guide my heart and most of all my emotions for they are the most ambivalent to where i walk. I want to do what is right. I want to seek Your heart before my own intentions for i will fall. You are full of Love and want me to experience the best You give to me, but it allows for You to make the moving and not me. So Father i ask that i can lay the plan out and You guide me, but in the end You make the will of Your heart move. I felt this confidence in tonights talking and word. But i am not confident that i will fall through, so i ask to reign in this weekends walk. I was follow the Holy Spirit and truly listen. I want to experience that guidance. Let me hear that heart beat of Your heart. Christ i am so glad to see You work with my father. I truly ask to continue to guide him and show him what you can offer. These past four years have been difficult, but i sought to see You move. You have and will always continue. I know one day i will be dancing, singing, and worshiping with You. I am glad. I will give my all to share what You have always brought to me. Your my Father, my joy, my peace, my hope, my guidance, my venting, my sadness, my savior, my flesh, my life, my soul, my love. Your my Christ. O stand near and let Your Holy Spirit be the thing i hear and listen to. Your LOVE.

Where Will I Go

So today was disappointing because i found out my Financial Aid paper work is take longer than expected to get finish, which means i have a chance of getting classes dropped and not going to school for a semester. Scary!!!! Well should i be scared cuz i am not sure what to feel. I have this calmness in me. Well i mean atleast i do right now. I feel secure in where ever i go, but there is a sense of fear still. I cannot stop thinking about what happened last night. I mean for me lots of people know that my relationship with my dad as been ugly and family has been through a lot, but last night just hearing him talk about God and the people he was been talking with at Water of Life is a huge testimony. I mean my dad even asked me to pray with him. I could help but think of all the times i felt the pain, the times i cried, the times i feel into drugs, and just many situations because of home. I am glad Christ heard every inch of my heart and soul. He made me into the man i am today.

Well today was also a wake up call for me. After seeing my friend go into shock, i had to think quick and remember what i had learn in my physiology. Yet i things were not clear and i had to dig for information that is long forgotten. I realize i need to focus in my studies and get into a hospital asap. I need to be in situation i know i am suppose to be in. Well just glad he was ok and it did not turn out bad.

Currently i want to be selfish, but i guess i cant. I wish things would work for the way i want to be or what i want to see. But i have no idea where i will go. I have no idea what it means to truly walk with Christ. Yea i jumped from the tree, but why do i keep looking behind me and looking at the tree i once sat in. Was it that comfortable?? Or was the view good? Where will i go and whom will i meet and what will i see and when will i accept and how will i lay life down?

Can't Believe...

I cannot believe that today my dad came in my room and sat down with me and just talked about God. Then asked me to say a prayer. For me this is beyond words. Justin, Nicole, and many of my closest friends understand where i am coming from. The hard times at home and the struggle too keep praying and looking for Christ in the mist of this huge storm was just overwhelming. The alacrity of my soul is thinking of all my prayers and the prayers of others. For over four years it was a struggle to not give up. I love my family and i see forth to have them understand where i get this Love from. I know my Savior is alive. Once again i see His presence. I may seek something today for myself, but He knows what is best for my tomorrow and knows what is best for my heart.

I just have to say with great gratitude, thank you. All i need is You, and all i want is You. I still struggle with that with my own life, but man You have a hold on my family and i will continue to keep praying while i leave to school. I ask You, be gentle and loving to them. That You, knock on there hearts and have them understand why i ran for You. I pray for everyone else too, especially my brother and sister Kevin and Suzy. They have been through so much and i know You want to take them deeper. I know You want to make Yourself present. They are young and are experiencing so much lost. They are seeking to understand themselves and just life. Make Your self present and pull them into Your heart. I love them and want to see them grow into young strong adults. Prepare there way gently. Help me to be the big bro they need. Ill do as much as i can for them. Be strong guys, for You have a Loving Father. I know He hears prayers, just press in, just press in.

Prayers

Father is pray for me to be able to welcome this new season with a knowing of You heart.

I pray for you to guide my family while am not home. That you whats their hearts and guide there destiny.

I pray to be humble, to stay strong in Your word, and seek Your guidance in my plans.

I pray for my brothers and sisters in Christ, that You truly hear them as well. That You hold them close and keep us in true fellowship. I hope that i can be the big bro that Justin was towards me. That i can be an influence as my big bro and big sis. I guess i cannot really leave, because i truly want to be there for them.

I pray SWCC to just seek Your heart.

I pray for WoL and everyone in Pure groups to stay strong in You and hold true to You heart.

I pray for dad and mom to be whole.

I pray for grandparents health and for myself to understand to enjoy there presence while i still can.

I ask that You pray for me to keep on praying. Thanks for being in charge of time for time is Love.

This Peace

I cant explain it, but the areas where i know i would worry or be anxious 50x what i am feeling right now, are not present. I was glad that i talked to someone over this subject and i felt at piece, knowing that the Lord is protecting not only my heart but others. Christ made a promise and it is not of His nature to turn back on His word. Now i am not saying that i am worry free, cause i am not way free. Just glad i was reminded of what is to come. How my dreams are still to come. I am glad right now Lord to be reminded of this crucial area of my life and where i am the weakest. I truly ask for Your continuous Love. Tomorrow things may change for me, but You, You will stay the same yesterday, today and forever. Reading Hebrews 6 tonight tell of God's Promise and how Christ did it all.

NOTE TO SELF: DO THIS IN THE FUTURE!!

To Hear the Same Thing Twice

Today was about relationships again. Although, today i learned about fellowship and how important it is to be in small groups. Small groups to keep each other accountable. That no matter how much you seek Christ heart, you will miss the point without a home. You will miss the point of going to church. It is easy to strive to do things alone, yet many times Christ reflects how important it is to surround yourself around other believers for it builds strength and the God given character with in. It is difficult to get involve at church, but i encourage to do so, you be surprise of how many qualities are the same. I am glad to found this and to just experience this new growth. I realize especially at Water of Life how its all about people. Pure just hits the purpose of Christ heart.

I know that the Lord is telling me to be well aware of my relationships and just importance of fellowship. That i strive to understand that there is more than what is in front of me. That people do not just arrive in your life to make a small impact, but something much more. Many times it takes time for the others to understand you and for you to understand others. Rick Warren said in his book Purpose Driven Life that Jesus is Love and Love is Time. Sounds odd at first, but if you think about it relationships revolve around time and timing. I sure do have some great to not so satisfying relationships, but everything has purpose and i have learned this from my past. Sometimes we got to hang on to understand the purpose of the situation. Maybe it does not work for the way you like but in the end you receive so much more. Relationships are tough, tricking, burdening, relieving, soothing, a mix of everything, but they build character and something that plain words cannot explain. Church is meant to be more than time hearing a priest or pastor speak, but its meant for fellowship. Fellowship is why Christ had a small group called the disciples. It is the core of having God work through people and encourage one another. If there is none of this, then the point of church and falling Christ is somewhat missed. Many times Christ talks about being one body and do unto others, because He surly Loved others. That is why it is the second greatest commandment.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Like your neighbor as yourself'. All the Las and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." Matthew 22:37-40 NIV

Surly Christ is Love and i strive to understand His heart for i am a wreck.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6

True Love

Building Lasting Relationships

So, today i was thinking since the morning where i am heading in life? I was getting all my paper work ready for school, was talking to academic advising for classes, and just trying to keep in touch with people i know have a place in my life. It is easy to go on facebook, twitter, and other social websites to meet people and socialize, but it loses the meaning of being human. God intended our lives to be hands-on, spoken by lips, seen by eyes relationships. I am not a fan of texting or even instant messaging, just loses the feel of what a person is trying to really try to have you understand.

Right now i am meeting a grip of new friends and people and i am not even at Biola yet. Its satisfying to feel this warmth, yet what good is it to please yourself. I mean i rather build upon a long lasting relationship, than build short ones and live life thinking i can survive off of quick encounters. That loses the purpose, it loses meaning, it misses the point that Christ intended our lives to be apart of. For surly once you encounter His Love it is never a quick fix.

Ask yourself and i surely did ask myself this after fellowship today at the grind, "What qualities are essential for building healthy lasting relationships? What areas do you feel you need to improve? Can we learn from Christ's example in washing the disciples' feet of how to build healthy relationships?"

First off the first thing that came to mind was Love. Not the Love that a person would some what feel, but the Love that is mentioned in 1 Corinthians 13. After my uncle's passing last year, i always look to this chapter for strength in so many ways. I mean i do not build relationships based off feelings and i use to. Thats being single minded. I base it off of decision. The decision that i might have to be kind. That i have to show consideration. That i have to not be proud, not be envious, not be angered, not be jealous, not be self seeking, to not keep records of wrongs. That i need to be truthful, that i need to show protection, that i need to say i want to build that trust and want to always persevere. That although you may not see me now ill be patient, for i will always keep you in mind. For its not a feeling, but a decision to accept those people in my life.

This is like Christ. He did not base his decision on the cross because of feelings. He did it because it was His decision. He knew that He would have to set the tone for the word Love. That it would be through patience, caring, consideration and everything i wrote above. From there that character of Christ, just builds into you. Christ did not text message the world saying He Loves us. He saw us, He felt us, He heard us, He knew that this decision was down to earth and real. That He was going deeper to build the greatest lasting relationship. That His decision was out of Love.

The second question question made me think. How much i was not being patient and not trusting. I honestly do not know how to fix that by myself. Then the third question reminded me that Christ defined the word Love in the action of being the one to clean His disciples feet. I mean He is the Son of God, but He mentions that there is a time to be served and a time to be a server. Take that to heart for even Christ was cleaning His servants feet.

I just ask Lord to clean my feet for i have walked a long road and many times i dont get to stop and realize that my feet are dirty. That i have picked up pieces off dirt i thought were gone. Truly there is a huge part of me that what You to clean my feet and just pick me up and guide me to where the next path is. I long to build long and strong relationships with the people i have decided to hold on to, yet guide me and teach me how to truly Love as how you did to me. Just got to say thanks everyone for tonight.

To Not Fall Into Unbelief

Been reading Hebrews and in Hebrews 3 it mentions twice "Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts, as you did in the rebellion".

I was speechless, because like i am in some what in a sorry mode right now. Well i am also tired because of all the shots i had to take and then just getting over a cold. Gonna feel body aches like crazy. But really todays word from service told me to understand my dreams, my destiny, and that i may get distracted, but if i want to play with that toy when its not time to, He will take it away for He know i have much more to gain. After talking to Daryien about His experiences at Loma Linda, get me all fired up for my goal. That its a calling to just be in the hospital curing the sick spiritually, physically, and emotionally. Its that drive that i have lost, but know its in me. I know who i am and many times i try to become a little be more or little less of what i should be when i know that i am not. I know that i have many dreams and many things that i want to achieve. So i shouldnt have the disbelief for Christ leads many things. I heard His voice, so why get all harden. I should just keep kneeling. I person is not strong because of being strong, but a person is strong because he knows that by being around the strongest, Jesus, anything is overcome.

Tomorrow i get to see what my scheduled is going to be like at Biola. Its almost time. I am excited. Be awesome to just meet new people and just live the college life. Patients brings a well reward. But i am tired, been trying to get everything done. Lord help me.

Besides the good stuff their is always other stuff. Was kinda feeling low today; i know what i have done is some what behind me and things can never change, i got to live today and not yesterday. But i have taken two test for blood glucose and they were not in the range that it should be, its near, but not in it. Might to have to take multiple. I am some what anxious to see if i have Type 1 diabetes. I am some what worried, but who knows i can become someone to relate to diabetics. I dont mind being used, just got to be reminded where my strength comes from.

Reminds me of how vulnerable my body is. How one day you wake up and your life is changed. Why does it take for a health issue to have someone believe? I find it funny how physical fears remind us of how tiny we are. Imagine if everyday we just stopped and realize that our days our numbered. Maybe we would live different.

I was talking to my friends about this tonight at In-N-Out and its funny how when a person hears of Christ in a third world country they never let go of Him. Its like they understand that its all about Him. Then when the people of the nation or rebels try to smash them, they just spread and more pop up. Its like this in the middle east with all the Christian deaths. But here in America or in Europe, we are not smash for Satan is clever. He blinds us with media and the so called troubles of life. We have so much yet we have this unbelief. What is there to not believe when we have plenty. I envy those out in the chaos for they have belief and hunger. Here in America and wealthy nations we get caught up so easily. We forget our identity, our hope, our strength, our daily bread, our Love, our passion in life. No need to smash those who cannot see. Let them run into each other, thinking everything is some what okay. Let them feel the warmth of another, when in actuality they are lost too. There is more to life, this cannot just be it. He is mighty to save and mighty to lead your dreams. He knows best.

Em I Ready?

I been planning to make my blog public for sometime, but many times i do get deep. I do not know if that is of importance, or can be boring to read, but i bet many times people can relate. It is sad that people think that what they feel is only in them, when in actuality everyone is connected together. God intended His creations to be whole and one, within Him and His Son. So i am not sure to share all of this but i will happen soon, maybe tonight.

My blog is for me and for everyone. I want so share my walk in a way that encourages others. I want to show how life is in this journey with Christ at the wheel. Trust me it is not satisfying many times. This walk is beyond words, that when you read my blog it explains the struggle from with in. I am starting a new journey in my life by attending Biola University next weekend and i want to share the journey. I have so many dream, but only He can make the way through the desert. Below is a video that kinda shows how much my heart is yearning to act. I mean, what good is to live with out destiny or purpose. So many people want to live in tomorrow, when tomorrow is only making you older. Live today. Live your age. Live your dreams. Live in a purpose driven life.

Then same Love that brought me out of drugs, addictions, lust, envy, and so many things is waiting at the door. Matthew 7:7 says, "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." NLT

So this is for me and anyone. I have heard so many stories in my life to lead me to understand that in this life we cannot walk alone. That through testimonies and journeys together we grow to know our Savior. Many times we do need to walk on our own, but knowing that someone else went through the same is an encouragement. So i think i am ready to share and hopefully people can share with me to.

I really want to live my life in this motion of having Him be with me forever. I want to be able to say i will go where Christ goes. Many times i fall and thats all in here. I write funny at times, but my writing has improved, well at least i think.

Just got to say thanks Lord. I do hope You can take the art of losing myself and use it for Your Glory. I look to You, for You are Who You Are.

Taking the Time to See Who You Can Be

it. from Heartwork on Vimeo.

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago."

Ephesians 2:10 NLT

Pay Attention

It is difficult to stay awake. There is a joke that Chuck Norris never sleeps, but waits. Well it is true for Satan. He waits to catch me slipping. Especially right now when i am getting sick, it is not fun and having everyone at home annoy you. I just do not want to argue or fight, i hate doing such things. Then i blow up and i get accused or i look like the bad guy. Then it is easy to be judge for its not a common thing and people say look he is like us. Well yes i am. I am no perfect than that of a person who does drugs. I say this because i know and i have been down that path.

It says in Hebrews 2:1 "We must pay more careful attention, therefore, to what we have heard, so that we do not drift away."

I know that Father, You gave the world Your only Son to have us know Your. To have us live in a Saviors Love, Christ You died on the cross. You took my place and took everything bad about me. I forget that my problems are small for You are bigger. I forget that You made Your self even lower than the angels to be near to us. Everyday i have to tell myself to put my trust in You. Trust is my hardest thing to act upon. I am no longer a child and i wish many times to be, but Christ see me as a child for You brighten up my life. You make me realize what i have and what i dont have. What is meant to be lost is for gain and what is gain is meant to be lost. Help me to walk in the footsteps You walked. Help me to understand the wonder of the cross. Help me to pay attention. As i looked out from my car from my hiding place, i thought many things. I prayed and made my petitions. I will miss my hiding place for i will be moving, but when i come home i will make effort to go to the place where You light up my night. Still hear my prayers, still see my heart, still know that i am struggling to pay attention and stay straight, for i need You every second.

Where You Are

Easy to Be Captive With a Burning Passion

I have been enjoying these days. Sometimes i fall short to my situations. Sometimes i fall captive to past. My past will never hold me down, but will over and over again try to. I have found joy in my walk, but was forgetting the "Wow factor" of why i walk.

I remember how last year, i was reading the book of Job over and over, trying to understand my situation through Job's situation. Job had lost so much of his life, but continued to have faith in God. The pressure did build up in Job and He lost hope, yet he was in the mist of other believers to remind him of his identity. In the end God remind Job of his glory. I took me 3 months to understand this in the mist of hardest times; i too was loosing faith, but something told me to hold on. I could not grasp the concept that God created the Earth, the moon, the stars and planets. That God created Heaven and Earth. That He brought the smallest of molecules together to make life. That He would make life to be what it was always meant to be. Its amazing how He is so big and does so much, yet i can be afraid of Him not supporting me. That i can lose belief that His Son cannot deal with my so called," big problems or troubles".

It is easy to fall into deep pride or fall into deep discouragement. It is easy to think life is meaningless. It happens in a second. How quickly our body responds to its surroundings, yet to God's Love, we want to react slowly, in fear that how can it be possible to trust in the unseen. After watching the Book of Eli, i was reminded, of how i should be walking in my walk of burning passion. I know i will face storms, face trials, face the devil himself, but whom do i belong to? The God of the universe spoke of the Savior so many times and He has come for my ransom, thats whom i belong to.

When we are driven by fears we often cant explain our behavior. I cant explain it. I just make a fool of myself. My greatest weakness is relationships. Never had one and in the past pushed many times for one. All that happened was scars and deep regrets. Now i have the best relationship and i know Jesus is trying to bring me to become the best man, father, husband, and caregiver that i can be. Today's societal standards are so broken. I mean do i want to have my children grow up in a broken family? Do i want my wife to suspect me of cheating? Do i want to relate my wife to my past relationships because she cannot satisfy me like the others? Yeah it sounds out of this world, but if you truly see where i am coming from, it makes sense. My family is not perfect, but i know that similar situations have made me to realize that i know there is importance to this part of life. I was fearful of this type of life style, but everyday i grow stronger and know that i should not fear these troubles of tomorrow. I should fear my God for having control of my today, for He makes paths visible. People and even i, fear getting broken. Its the bodies self defense to be anxious, to worry, to just react in thoughts. This fear sometimes consumes to a point which you lose yourself to the things you feared most.

I guess i am some what fearing right now. Its not like in the past, full of fear, but it is present. That is why i wrote last night about asking what should i do in my situation. Its still in me. Its this constant battle. Its my hearts desire to seek Christ Love, yet the fears of my past hunt my today and corrupt my thoughts of tomorrow. Above all Christ is all the remains. Hearing other peoples stories i know what i write is similar to other peoples stories or situations.

I know God is trying to show me something, yet do i have the eyes to see and the ears to hear? Do i have the heart to let Him in, thinking i know best? I will i react to my situation? Will i become captive? Will i try to be prideful? Will i try to push? Will i try to walk it alone? Or will i be patient, be humble, be caring, be on my knees in petition and prayer? He has brought me out of many chains. Will i try to drag myself into new ones? Is it worth the trouble in my walk? See i have so many questions and shows how in one night of journaling can be different than of the next. If seconds change a person's thoughts imagine hours, days, weeks and even years. Many times this is how habits are brought forth. I admit one day i write one way and another day is the opposite, but this is my struggle to hold on. To be able to have this burning passion keep stirring. It says in the Bible that it is dangerous to be lukeworm and trust me it is, so rather be up and down, but not in the middle.

I want to be the best man Christ and make me become. I have dreams. I have hopes. I have the will to live a praise worthy life. I want to pursue Him, but its an everyday battle. 24/7. Everyday i must remind myself that He is more than life. That i must stand by everything He says. That when i make a promise i make sure i keep it. That i reflect His heart for i Love Him. Then when i become discourage i fall back on his Word. I fall back to His Love. That i fall back to my knees and into His arms. Things perish but He wont. He is the same yesterday, today and forever. For me, i am not. Thats why i need to get my eyes of myself and look to the cross, for He took my shame, my doubts, my sin, my foolishness, my inequities, all of me, for He is my deliverer. Nothing else will do.

What Should I Do?

First off, Father i am not perfect, i am not pure as snow without You. Time and time again i will fall. I will just go beyond Your Word and be selfish. I am not tired nor weak, but some what being prideful and wanting to act alone. Why do i do this? Because i do not know what Your answer is. Maybe i do, but i try to sly around it. I try to think i know best. I know parts of my heart will not be healed until the years to come, but help me to be a patient man. Help me to be Your servant and not try to wrestle You. Surly i will come to that. Your the great I AM. You say, "I AM able to lift You, I AM able to hold you, guard you, secure you, help you, send the needed support, and guide you." Please before i make a fool out of myself let me hear You. I am sinful, i am not worthy to dwell in Your courts, all i can give is myself, but at my side is my Savior and he defends me. He understands me, He feels what i feel; He realizes how the flesh is constantly bombarded with anxiety; with its wanting, with its ability to suffocate my soul, with the constant will to act, with emotional and physically pulling. Christ is my defender and can't You see that in my eyes i look to Him more than anything. Or am i wrong? Or am i in the clouds? I learned this past week how much the flesh is able to rule.

Just see my situation. See that where i am at, i am not afraid to act, but it can cause utter destruction in the end. I long to see You face. Show me You Love me. Show me that i am too, Your child. This area of my life i am the weakest. This area i can try to stand, but only to be made a fool. To only be stripped of the very life You give. How can You watch as i fall asleep with the same thoughts every night. Or in the middle of the day i just think of the situation. I am trying to be patient. I am trying to be the best man You have create me to be so far. Where do i go? What do i do? Why do i seek You, yet not know Your answer clearly? When do i act? Then if anything How? You overwhelm me, You do. I know to only go to You now, just most times its hard to see through my will. Your my hearts and souls desire. Please save me before i try to grab the steering wheel and try to control the car and wreck it.

Day Five

This journey today surprised me in so many ways. This journey this week was really awesome. Yeah would be happy to see like some thing crazy hit me, but i saw way to much to see that its not always about good old me.

There is this this all consuming fire to keep seeking my Savior. I have met some great people and can believe the backgrounds and testimonies. Reminds me how in Christ there is not separating each other. I still have much to open up to, but man there is this growth that i have never experienced. Glad to say i was not growing alone and there was many of us in this journey to keep in prayer. Thanks Father for this experience only You have give. Let Your living flame of Love baptize us a new. Tonights evening prayer and worship was just awesome to see. Enough of today time to write to You.

Your Love is Higher than the sky itself and Deeper that of the Ocean
Every moment You are eying me to catch me, just as the Eagle catches its chick
No way can i fly without You letting me fly, but it will take a lifetime to just be able to.
Let me fall more in Love with You.
Help save me in times of distress.
When times are hard let me fall in prayer.
When times are joyful let me sing praises.
During the day its the souls fight with flesh to seek You
But Christ see my heart, let Your angels see my hearts desire
Even the stars in the sky see my prayers.
Even the walls of my room, or the emptiness of my car hears me.
Will You hear my prayers, my thoughts, my petitions.
So many prayers Christ, but i can not feel guilty right?
You knew me by name, so listen, for my prayers are to You alone.
Only You can shape them for Your glory.
I want to know how deep and wide You Love is.
I cannot let go of You.
This world is not worth it, for You was always there before anything else.
I may fall, but you catch me before i hit the ground.
You are Who You Are.
YOUR LOVE NEVER FAILS!

Day Four of Five

So today was a good old plane day. Cleaning, sleeping, playing guitar, and tutoring. As well during the mist of all that i was thinking much about the next two weeks. I have so much that i want to do or at least try to accomplish. I do not want to leave without saying i did what i needed to do before starting a new. Glad though to see my prayers for family really be lifted up. I pray for a transition that is tasteful and blessful. I want to try my best to help out my parents as well my sisters. Yea i will come home once in a while on the weekends or something, but its not the same as being home 24/7. Then this week i have really laid my pride down and was able to share parts of me to people i would have not thought of sharing with.

After reading 1 Peter 4 i remembered why i always tell myself Love is above all things. Here what it says, "The end of all things is near. Therefore he clear and self-controlled so that you can pray. Above all, Love each other deeply, because Love covers over a multitude of sins. Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each other should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1Peter: 4:7-11 NIV.

So I am really looking to do things these next two weeks with heart. I truly need Your Strength Christ. I need You to guard my heart and watch over my lips. It is hard to be righteous for i am full of sin. Only by petition and prayer my Your grace save me from destruction of myself. So much to not worry about, yet cannot stop thinking about it at times. Everyday, and multiple times, i ask myself if it is worth it or if seek You truly? I say, Yes; its worth it. I say, i somewhat seek You with what i can give each day to You. Everyday one thing remains and its You, Above All Else.

Day Three of Five

I am exhausted, beyond comprehension. My bones ache and my body wants its desires. I cannot continue without Your Love and support. Do not hesitate. Do not let me down. Do not let down the prayers of Your people. Many times i have failed and have fallen in shame. I have brought upon trouble when it should not have been. I ask that You see that i am giving what little of me i can surrender truthfully.

Tonight i was able to see a piece of Your heart and how much You want me to reach out. Everyone has a story. Everyone is full of pain, hurt, lost-full thoughts, guilt, loneliness, and everything that is part of trouble. I wanted so much to fill myself and try to think i can make myself into a better situation, but Your Love pulled me away. I guess i must lose my dreams. I must surrender to truly be filled.

I have this Hope. I have this desire to see You, to see You be apart of my life. I have this part of me that wants to surrender. I have this dream i can give up my dreams. I have this Faith that one day i can Trust You. Like i have mention many times i still have this sense of not fully trusting You Christ, because i am afraid of Your decisions. I believe You, but to have my flesh and mind trust You is beyond my strength.

Once again Father hear my prayers. Hear my heart. Guard it. Save it. Hold it. Let my prayers be worthy of hearing. You have called me by name. Take my hand and hold it. You are my shield, my rock, my stronghold. My soul is longing for You, yet my body is weak. Help me to surrender and trust You in my situations. Your ways are beyond mine, for i do not want to wrestle with You.

Is it worth it, is it worth it to walk with You? Truly Yes is the answer. I have been through to much to say no. I have to many experiences with You Jesus. From the good to the bad. But Your Love makes it worthy. Yet Father. Yet Christ, is it worth it to try to stick in this situation. I want to!! I want to truly put all of me into this situation, but i need You as well. This has been on my mind and i know not to fall like the past and i feel this strength to be strong, but should i not give up and stick with it. Is it worth it?? I surrender and i got to learn to trust You. Truly i do. Once again guide me with You sweetful Love. To give up my dreams, thats a though one. Move me from the inside, out. Thanks for hearing me. Love You.

Day Two of Five

This is for You;
You everything that i seek for,
The gifts You bring to my life are filling.
My heart yearns for Love,
Something to hold onto through every moment.
It is rare to reflect so deeply on You,
For it looks foolish,
But how can a child not be so happy when He holds on to His Dad
I feel weak and it is tough to remind myself of You every precious time;
Seconds, Minutes, Hours fly by.
I do not grow younger but older.
I ask for Your hold onto my heart,
For when i forget You,
You can read me the story between me and You.
I believe in You, but to trust?
To trust is so hard for me.
Why do i trouble?
Why do many of Your children trouble?
Come quickly and remind me and everyone Who You Are.
Did You not create, to have us reflect Your Love?
Why have You children come from the dirt to see light to only be dirt again?
Be the Savior that is written in the Bible.
Do not wait, just come, reign, remind, restore, explain;
You have to retell Your Love once again.
Life is not possible with out You.
Do not let Your children fall without You catching them.
You say the flames will not set us ablaze.
You say the waters will not sink us.
You say the rivers will not sweep us.
You are our Christ right?
You are the Truth?
You are the Hope?
You are the Love?
Then hear our prayers, hear our deepest cries;
Be the Love that saves us just in time.
For thats Who You Are.

Day One of Five

This journey that i have put before me this week is already difficult. Here i am standing, looking for my Savior to come. I have this anticipation, this hope, this filling that i know He will come.

It was awesome to spend time with my younger cousins. Having to take them bowling and just "kick-it" as my cousin said. Then running around Target and just coming over their house and playing with my other two younger cousins. Family is a blessing. Glad to learn that in my life at a young age. Then being able to talk about my faith with my aunt and uncle is even more a blessing. You can just tell that He is present and is watching over.

Still although today was great, the deepest parts of my heart still fear what is in front of me. It is scary to know that school is starting soon and i will have to take of loans and start the beginning of borrowing large amounts of money. Then as well having to pay a car payment and manage living. I am taking this to You, for i have no idea where to go for work. It is scary. I fear it. On top of that i see myself or my heart wanting to reach out to someone, but is it right? It is not easy for i really do not seek someone in my life, but as my eyes draw to individual i cannot help but try. I cannot help but show that i am who i am because i belong to You. In the end my soul longs for You, for when i see You reflected in them it only draws me more. I think over the past years i have grown to see the beauty in women who just long for You. Its funny, but makes a big different in relationships, the walk with You, and just life in so many ways.

I ask to fill my hearts desires in a way that only Your Love can fill. Continue to be the silver lining in the mist of the clouds. I believe so much in You, yet to trust is hard. It is hard because i lack giving up what is going to be lost in the end. Believing and trusting are two things of there own yet seem to be related. I hope that Christ You set my season. That in every season You have a purpose. Although the flames may be hot i will not burn. Although the waters rise i will not be washed away. In You i can have freedom from the chains of this world. I ask for Your Holy Spirit. I ask for Your guidance. I ask for Mercy and Grace. I ask for so much, but be the Lord that You are to be. The Word writes so much of You, do not let You son down. Be the light in me that shines out for others to see. I pray for my family, Step with Christ, Water of Life, my closest friends, my mom, my dad, my sisters, my cousins, those at WoL who are now apart of my journey, and just for my life. Only You have control of my situations and troubles. I fall before You, because only You can take everything i give and throw at You. Thats True Love.

The Day Before I Take it to Him

Faith is hard to comprehend.
Grace is difficult to embrace.
Love is always present.
Hope is knowing in the unknown.
Fear is acknowledgement that your human.

My Journey has brought me to a place that i cannot try to do on my own.
Christ my passion in life is to know You.
Its hard when one foot wants to step back into the world.
I am not holy.
I just cannot walk the road where i once was from.
You know me and i fear everything.
My days are numbered.
I do not get younger, but older.
I understand how vulnerable i am.
Flesh is susceptible to so much.
We live for severty years or so
With luck maybe eighty
And what do we have to show for it?
Trouble

The journey at home and church have reached some what an end.
I wont be home as often due to school and i am glad to see my family come to You.
I have grown through a blessed church and now i feel its time to fly.
School has been tough, but i have been accepted to a school with full of Your gifts.
My career is set in some sense, because i found what i enjoy.
My dreams of outreaching is coming to light.
Wanting to go to Australia for a year is still up for grasp.

Yet, i could not have expected to feel so empty.
When i mean empty, i mean money.
I mean not able to have the other person see what i see in them.
I mean not able to see what church to land myself into.
I want to glorify You, yet i ask for my own fillings.
You see what i want to finally be filled in my life.
Should i worry for these things,
Cause man i been worrying lately.
Or just letting myself think to much.
I think money and finding the right person can lead to that, especially me.
Its so easy to get frustrated and say why cant she see me for what i see her.
Its so easy to get frustrated and not have the money to stand in this world.

Lord i take everything i got this week and lay it before You.
Only You can make me into the man You see fit.
When i was in my mother womb You knew me by name.
You make all things work for my good.
Your Love never changes.
You stay the same through the ages.
When the night falls i look for You.
I want to pray for what You pray for.
I want You for Your what i know is filling.
Help me this week grow into You and find more of You and less of me.

Sea storms are up, Jesus,
Sea storms wild and roaring,
Sea storms with thunderous breakers.

What You say goes-it always has,
"Beauty" and "Holy" mark Your palace rule,
Christ, to the very end of time.

I am looking for a shade of color in the mist of grey.
I am looking for the shining light of confidence.
I am seeking for what my heart knows is truth,
for my mind likes to think,
and i forget that i am yours.
That Your Love goes on and on.
One things that remains is You.
Its overwhelming sometimes when i write, because i can keep writing on.

What good is to seek gain when it will be lost.
It is better to lose for i know i have much to gain.
Thats hard to keep and i Hope You can teach me that.
Hold me when You teach me, because thats gonna be one heck of a ride.

This is gonna be an interesting week.
Draw near for i am looking for You.
Psalm 92

Testing, Cuz I am Tiny

Today was full of surprises. Well not really surprises, but just the fact that i am over thinking so much. I got to say i am afraid of what is to come. Its as if some times fog brings forth a storm or just the welcoming of the blue sky with the bright sun and warmth. Damn i know these next three weeks are going to be full of test. Its as if my emotions are ready to be tested after so much...not sure what to call it...but i guess calmness and strength given. I know in the past i been through so much crap, but i some how had Hope in the only thing i had left. Now that i have that One thing, can i hold on to it and trust? He is Love and Love comes with much cost, discipline, respect, fear, trust, hope, so many other things. I guess thats what it means to have that crazy Love He can only give.

I will ask of the same things King David asked for in Psalms. The way He writes is amazing and i wish i knew how to write with such creativity and vocabulary. Thats why this year i intend to write, take photos, and video blog when school starts. One thing in life i would like to do is write a book. Yet, every great books needs a good story and purpose. So as i live life i know one day it will come upon me. Still young and got so much to look for. I need to start running again, what happen to me dream of running a marathon and biking. Some times i find myself in still positions, when i should be spreading my wings.

Here is King David's prayer and as well mines:
"Oh! Teach us to live well!
Teach is to live wisely and well!
Come back, God-how long do we have to wait?-
and treat your servants with kindness for a change.
Surprise us with Love at daybreak;
then we'll skip and dance for the day long.
Make up for the bad times with some good times;
we've seen enough evil to last a lifetime.
Let your servants see what you're best at-
the ways you rule and bless your children.
And let the loveliness of our Lord, our God, rest on us,
confirming the work that we do.
Oh, yes. Affirm the work that we do!"

One thing remains. I see that His Love never fails. It never gives out on me. If i stumble He will catch me. I know my heart seeks Him more in the end. As long as He knows that, i know He can hold on to my life. Stupid to have people want to care for you, unless they understand your pain fully. I think thats why He ask us to pray for one another. Prayer some how links Him between everyone and some how we can truly understand one another as a body and go beyond human understanding. God doesn't miss a thing, he's alert to good and evil alike. God can't stand pious poses, but he delights in genuine prayers.

So much to learn. I do not think i can learn 1% of His Love thats why i need it 24/7 to give to others.

New Year

Its as if a dream was dreamed and i was no way in charge.
Father this is for You and Your Son.
Sorry i cannot keep straight on Your ways. I am happy to see You be apart of my life in which i am so glad for. Jesus, Your grace brings so much filling unlike other things that may seem feeling. Your Love never fails. I cannot say how much the word Love means to me. One things remains in the storm. One things remains when i am confused. One thing remains when life seem dry. One thing remains when i am standing or falling. That one thing is Your Love. It never gives up and never runs out on me. Jesus...why is it...why is it hard to except Your Love above all? It is easy to say that I will never except other types of love, but its hard. I want to be some what filled from this world or some what have this filling of placing.

Once again this past year was a year of many hard decisions. It was a year a having to deal with loss. I mean lots of losses. Family, relationships, money, objects, people, feelings, school, and anythings that was just overwhelming. Yet in turn You provided much gain towards the end of this year. I feel a sense of fear that i will once again be in darkness. Is it right to fear the dark? Or should i fear You more?

I start this year heading into a new territory. Can i walk their? Huh...CHRIST!!! I am afraid. I have been looking forward to this event, but i just do not know what the heck to expect. Compared to last year i was looking for all of You in my situations, but know its as if i feel i have You, yet do i trust You?? I mean You grabbed me from the depth and held me in the darkness. I cried so much Father. I was so full of tears. I was full of hate. I was full of emotions. I was full of loss. I was looking for my Savior so desperately. I think being desperate is such a key in our relationship. I need to be able to able to be desperate for You. Father. Christ. Please this year, HOLD ME. My heart for You is the same, or at least i believe that. You never change. I ask You to pray for me Christ. I ask that You pray so much for me, even so much that you pray for me to pray. Jesus i ask for Your guider, i ask for the thing You spoke of before You left us. I ask to send that helper. I ask for the Holy Spirit, I ask for Your Love. I have failed to hear you recently because i was blinded, but from hear out can the Holy Spirit be apart of this. Can i hear what Your spoke of? Can i have Hope in what You aloud to be written? Can i feel what is of the Holy Spirit? Jesus, please i do not want to forget. I want to be able to walk for You and its difficult to when i was not able to point out that helper. You are my God. You are my Strength. You are my LOVE. Please. PLEASE. Where You go i go, but i need Your prayers and helper. Can You hear me, for many walk with delight, but fall soon, yet with You i am a mess to be worked with. Can You be the God that is written and hold me. Can You hear me and be the God to shine in my life. Make Your way in my life to reveal Your awesome glory. Your my God. Do not let me down. For its You i depend on at the end of everything i enter. Do not leave me, for You Love i desire of most. Do not leave me.