I...

I want You. It is easy to be caught up in the motion of doing just work. Father i cannot explain my heart right now but you know much more. I do want to cry on your shoulders for some reason. Maybe because i just cannot wait to be with the one that saves me. I am not of purity and holiness, but i want to be. Its my soul that cries for something that is not of this earth.

Father, the Maker, Your ways are beyond words

Father, You are holy, the angels cry out

Father, You are willing, thank you for letting Your Son come

Abba, I cannot tell of You ways.

Christ, You, the pillar of fire

The darkest of roads are lit up, the light shines

The valleys are full of shadows, yet the shadow i look for is You

Christ, You, the pillar of cloud

The highest of mountain are clouded, my enemies cannot see

The desert is hot, yet the cloud provides

Christ, You, the Savior

Death cannot sustain You, Satan has no authority, Life is in You

The rocks even cry out Your name when i cannot

Worship is all that i can do, Faith in You i will have and will not have

I am sinner and i ask for Your mercy

I cannot run race without You being the King, the Brother, the Hope, the Way, the Truth the Lover of my life.

I forget what pain You have been through

I forget Your amazing love

I ask for Your forgiveness.

I am looking for You deep inside, for my flesh is my greatest enemy.

Please Christ, forgive me once again, please provide not answers for my own deeds, but provide what is of daily bread so that Your will be done and not mine.

I will not move unless You say so.

Holy Spirit. I ask for Your awesome help.

I once thought of You as power, but You are God, You are my Lover too.

Holy Spirit remind me daily what it means to love and praise You in worship.

I look, i wait, i will cry for You.

Only in You i am reminded of Your will.

Take heart. See what is wrong with me and by You mercy and grace have Your way.

What ever You choose, i will follow. The Kingdom of God is more important than this life.

One day people will understand, and yet truly i cannot, but i know it will because of You Word. You Word is truth. Its the Hope the world needs. I need You to set me free. I need Your Love above all.

You are God and I am not.

Remember

So today i was blessed with Luke chapter 10. I realized my dreams are first achieved by following it and than Loving the Lord with all my heart, mind, soul, and strength. From there i can achieve his blessing of ministry. Just as in Acts 6 when the church was learning to be taughtful of each other. Everything in the church is desirable to the Lord. As we serve we need to serve with his heart. It also begins with the little out reaches of action. Luke 10 and Acts 6 talk about do something with our faith within and out side the church. Both are need.

Today i was doing a lot for family and felt choked that i did not set a time for my Father. I did in the morning yet i did not meditate upon it. I was so relieved to go to church tonight. I need my Father, my Christ and my Holy Spirit. It felt weird that i was not walking with Him. I want more and more and i just dislike this world, culturally.

Here is how you go to God’s storehouse and get what you need;

1. Come boldly to his throne and ask largely for all the grace and mercy you need to see you through every temptation and trial. The devil has a million ways to make you feel guilty, fearful, condemned and confused and he’ll tell you, “You feel this way because you’ve got junk in your heart!” But I stopped looking in my heart a long time ago, because it’s always black. Yet it is white to my Father because it is covered with the blood of the Lamb! It does not matter how you feel. Simply look to God’s Word for what Jesus has done. He has wiped your slate clean!

2. Remind God that it was his idea for you to come in. You did not go the Lord saying, “Father, I want everything you have!” He invited you in saying, “All I have is yours. Come and get it!”

3. Take God at his Word! The Bible says that everything he has for us is obtained by faith. You need only say in faith, “Lord Jesus, flood me with your peace because you have said it is mine! I claim rest for my soul.” You cannot work this up. You cannot sing or praise it down. It comes from being rooted and grounded in a revelation of God’s love for you. This comes not in a feeling but rather in the Word that he himself has spoken: “In my house is bread enough to spare!”

4. Take God’s Word and hammer all your fear, guilt and condemnation to pieces! Reject it all—it is not of God! You can say, “Let the devil come at me with his lies. My Father knows it already, and he has forgiven and cleansed me. There is no guilt or condemnation toward me. I am free!”

Beloved, I believe that if you ask the Spirit right now to help you seize this truth—to get rooted and grounded in it—the coming days will be the greatest you have ever had. You can say, “Lord Jesus, I know I am going to make mistakes, but nothing is going to shake me because you have everything I need to attain the victory and to live in it.”

Come into his storehouse and claim all that is yours from your loving Father!

Prayer!!

Dear Jesus,

You told me to resist the devil and he would flee from me,

But I have no resistance.

You have all the power and resistance I’ll ever need,

So give me the power to resist.

You told me I could move my mountains

If I had faith even as a mustard seed;

Yet my mountain won’t move

Even though my faith in you is as great

As I can conceive it.

You made the heavens and earth;

Please move my mountain.

You said, “Flee the very appearance of evil!”

So I ran hard,

But sin overtook me

In my finest hour of effort.

You have power

Over all the power of the enemy

With miracles, signs and wonders.

Deliver me from the trap of Satan.

I don’t even have the strength to put on the whole armor,

So dress me as my armor-bearer.

Do for me what I know I cannot do for myself.

So this prayer is from David Wilkerson. As i read it last night and tonight i realized that we as Christians need to be real in our prayers. I cant explain it, but being one with the Spirit is breath taking. Words cannot wrap the wonder of it. I will say yesterday i fell. It was so random. Like the night before i do not know why but i was falling. But, my heart was shaking, my mind raced for my God. But the next morning Satan was waiting. Although i was 3-4 for weeks in this state of mind, an addiction is not fought with a cold turkey attitude. Especially as the body trys to overwrite the heart. But i fell and i knew the Spirit was hurt. I felt that a tear fell from my eye but it wasnt mines. I felt so horrible that i got in my car hiked up the mountain and stood up there from 10-3 in prayer, reading books and Bible and just receiving what the Spirit was trying to reach out. It was hard, because Satan wants to make you feel more guilty and shameful when God's love is above that. I actually received a lot of grace and insight, but i love how we can run to a God that is so merciful, loving, and full of grace that he is who he says he is. FATHER SON AND HOLY SPIRIT><

Trusting the Word and Not the Flesh

Today i went to the healing rooms and was blessed with prayer and anointing; yet, i find it difficult to still seek the Lord without questioning the fact that it can be my flesh or selfish desires that want to move forward. I know that my flesh right now i seeking to look at porn or just please my self for things that are happening, but i had nothing to do with it. I was just a servant under the Lord's will. I do not like to think that i did things, although it was me that i was the vessel. I really want to shine for my Father. If it is his will to use me then i will wait for Him. It is scary to wait, but i know from past experiences and even this week i will say i need to wait. I want to keep myself from falsehood and lies. I want to only receive my daily bread. I pray for my family. I pray for my sis and her friend to continue to go to pure. I want to be able to enjoy these blessing with the fact that they are all given by the Provider of my life. I want understand the Holy Spirit more because i am so new to Him. Well i got to say I Love My God.

"He sent a man before them, even Joseph, who was sold for a servant . . . until the time that his word came: the word of the Lord tried him" (Psalm 105:17, 19). Joseph was tested and tried in many ways but his greatest trial was the word he had received!

Consider everything Joseph endured: At only seventeen, he was stripped down and cast into a pit to starve to death. His cold-hearted brothers laughed at his pleas for mercy and sold him to Ishmaelite traders who took him by caravan to an Egyptian slave market and sold him as a common slave.

Yet Joseph's greatest trial wasn't his rejection by his brothers or even the human indignity of being made into a slave or being cast into prison. No—what confused and tried Joseph’s spirit was the clear word he had heard from God!

God had revealed to Joseph through dreams that he would be given great authority that he would use for God's glory. His brothers would bow before him and he would be a great deliverer of many people.

I do not believe any of this was an ego trip for Joseph. His heart was so set on God that this word gave him a humble sense of destiny: "Lord, you have put your hand on me to have a part in your great, eternal plan.” Joseph was blessed just by knowing he would play an important role in bringing God's will to pass! But the circumstances in Joseph's life were just the opposite of what God had put in his heart. He was the servant—he had to bow! How could he believe that he would one day deliver multitudes when he was a slave himself? He must have thought, "This doesn't make sense. How could God be ordering my steps into prison, into oblivion? God said I was going to be blessed but he didn't tell me this was going to happen!"

For ten years Joseph faithfully served in Potiphar's house but in the end he was misjudged and lied about. His victory over temptation with Potiphar's wife only landed him in jail. During such times he must have pondered the awful questions: "Did I hear correctly? Did my pride invent these dreams? Could my brothers have been right? Maybe all these things are happening to me as discipline for some kind of selfish desire.”

Beloved, there have been times when God has shown me things he has wanted for me—ministry, service, usefulness—yet every circumstance was the very opposite of that word. At such times I thought, "Oh, God, this can't be you speaking; it must be my flesh," I was being tried by God's word to me but God has given us his promises and we can trust them, all of them!

IM NOT ALONE!!!

Numerous Christians, including pastors, have told me they are continually harassed by former sins. They say, “Brother Dave, if you only knew what I once did, how I sinned, you would understand why I’m so down. My sin still hangs over my head, and I battle constant guilt over it. I believe the Lord has forgiven me, that his blood is sufficient to cover my iniquity, but I don’t have the peace that comes from that knowledge.”

Others tell me, “I believe I’m forgiven, but my mind is continually bombarded with hellish thoughts. It can happen anywhere, even in church, and it makes me feel so unclean. I have a hard time believing I am pure in God’s sight.

These believers forget that Satan also tempted Jesus with awful, ugly thoughts during his wilderness testing. Today, the devil sends little foxes into your life to make you think you’re hopeless, that God is mad at you. They inject thoughts into your mind meant to destroy your faith in the power of Christ’s blood over you.

Dear saint, you are not to listen to those mental invasions. You have to cut them off, crying, “Holy Spirit, I know you’re beside me. Help me!”

All who take up the cross and fight the good fight of faith are in a constant battle. We all face evil thoughts—thoughts that come because of our past, or because of a sense of rejection, or simply because we live in wicked, sensual times. Yet when we apply Christ’s blood to these roots of doubt, it reaches into every cell of our being, including our minds, and thoroughly cleanses us. And that brings freedom and true rejoicing.

You are not alone in your struggle. He has sent you the Holy Spirit, who knows how to deal with the enemy and free you from all bondage. He is the still, small voice that will guide you and empower you through all your battles.

Pray with me: “Holy Spirit, I want to grow in spiritual fruitfulness. I want to be rid of all hypocrisy, and I want gentleness, patience and love. I know you still love me, in spite of my lack of these things. So, stand by me and help me. Amen.”