Solitude Struggle

To be positioned is a difficult action to accomplish. Along side being positioned, the more difficult for action for me is to no sounds. I feel like I have this necessity to have Christian music at all times. I do not know if I have closed my ears to God’s voice in me. Whitney mentions, “I believe the convenience of sound has contributed to the spiritual shallowness of contemporary western Christianity” (187). I am not sure if I have become like this description.

Sunday morning I attended my friend’s church and the pastor mentioned about how we hear God in the mist of pure solitude. I felt conviction and left to the beach. I turned of my radio and started to be quiet and just think about God, but I fell into so many thoughts. Upon arriving to the beach, I wondered continuously. Jung mentions this level of difficulty by saying, “The awkwardness and discomfort in discovering more about the true self cause some to rush through silence and solitude. Additionally, our minds can be flooded with wandering thoughts” (47). I was really in circles and felt like I could not focus my mind and heart on God.

I walked on the beach, sat down, lay down, but I felt so twitchy in my mind. I could not control the box of thoughts. Although, there was this moment that I was watching a dad take picture of his two year old child wondering the beach. I felt like I was the kid, I would be distracted by everything I saw, touched, heard, tasted and smelt. Literally, this kid ate sand and smelt it. I felt like I was the kid. He would explore and when he felt excited, he would run and fall while the dad would support him up. Although, the kid would cry, wanting no support to get back on his two feet.

I had no bible, no music, but I guess the view of the world. I was trying to focus on God, I do not truly understand it, but I guess I was more likely reflecting while viewing the father and son. In these short fifteen minutes, I felt captivated. After a while, I lay down and looked to the clouds while hearing the waves, but I could not stop think

I do not know what I truly got out of this time. The fact that I was convicted of how I was acting like the child towards the surrounding and pushing God away made me feel something I cannot understand. I know I need more time of solitude, but it is difficult. Even nature brings sounds. I just know God’s image is in people and by watching the father and son; I might have grown to see God’s love towards me no matter how much I wrestle with him.