What Does A Story Need to Be A Story

This is all based off the story of Don Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years:
Lord i lived in a past that was a story.
Story that was not written by an author of truth and love, but by an author of independence.
I followed my own desires, yet found risks of pain.
I was not living the life of a powerful story.
My author understands that what makes my story a story.
By your grace i fall, yet stand stronger.
A story is not powerful without having the character face trials and overcome them.
Is it not mind blowing how our author allows our lives to become powerful stories in the mist of this world?
See and look.
Is it not the greatest stories of human history that have become the foundation of hope.
This hope is not dry, but full of Love that is poured from our Christ Jesus.
Day and Night
Minute and Hour
Silence and Noise
Courage and Fear
Clear minded and Confusion
Hope and Lost
Love and Hate
Grace and Grace
In the mist of all this Christ knew what it meant to be a perfect character.
Our knowledge thinks that we can receive this and hold it, but we are receivers in which we are called to give.
Father i do stubble and become double-minded in the word, but why should i?
Every positive leads to a negative in this world, but your Grace leads to nothing but Grace.
You called me by name before i was in my mothers womb and delivered your Grace upon me.
I was not really born into a Christian family, but you had already worked out the story.
I had no foundation and did not realize that i was blinding myself from a good story.
I feel into my own individual scene and therefore my story was looking great for myself, but in reality i was in a bad story in which the outcome would be bad.
Yes, i you can say i was in a bad story, but if i had not realized who my true author was, i would not have realized i was in a good story.
To myself i was in a bad story, but by Grace, only Grace can make the outcome in which makes a great story.
I still fall Father.
I still misunderstand time and time again.
But you know when.
You know how.
You know my story.
I miss You being present.
I get mad at myself for forgetting my author, my authors grace, and my character role.
I still have a story to play in.
A story that only can become good.
From birth, childhood, teenage years, pre-adult, adult, and gray and white days, and old wrinkly minutes, to my beautiful death, it was all meant to be a story told by an author of grace and love. For until my time my passion in life is to know you, my author of a good story.

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Its sad that no matter how much you plan to do what you want to do, it never happens. Im in Colorado right now and i thought that i would be good to be in one with Christ and achieve some work for school, but i barely started today. I am glad that i am not at home, but i miss many things about it. Maybe not the whole situation, but the times that i feel pressured. I need pressure to remind me of who i am. I think as humans we tend to be relieved by our situations when then flow our way, but when the wind blows against the waves of the ocean then you understand that you cannot have the strength to face the wind. Glad that i asked Sun for the message passage, i would not be able to stand knowing that i need to be strong. One of my favorite books is James and remember was the first i read, but i seem to always forget how much it means. I feel as i am double-minded in my situations and James clearly states to be careful of that.

Currently i am reading the book A Million Miles In a Thousand Year by Don Miller. Don is currently speaking about how much he realizes how we want to create a new person of ourselves that have a better soul and mind set. But truly is that what i want? Sure. But is we where to make ourselves complete and fix our own lives, would there be true reason and love for life? Nope. Wow how much i want to be better, but i cant. I cant fix the stupid things i say, do and just act upon. Man how much i want to fix it all, but would i feel good if i did it all on my own? Would i even have the strength to continue on to change my situations for the best? Would i have the sense of being loved by another or would my own love to myself and the love i make other show upon me be worth it? Would i truly understand myself enough to keep taking myself back and what i mean is would i be able to forgive myself for ever? Would i be able to just love myself, or would i love the part of me that wants perfection? See this world is about perfection and about the self. I dont think i can live like that, but a part of me wants too. A part wants to be a better soul, a better me, a better mind.

My week was full of surprises last week. The tension in my heart against my dad broke and i told him straight out that i hate him. Then he only mocked me and said how can i be following this book called the Bible and then say such words. Then i said its all lies and everything relies from yourself. Man first i got to say i was stupid to act, but i am human and i will not be able to hold it in. My father has scared me, but i somewhat do not want to hate him. I feel as if i cant and i am not supposed to. Then i should pray for him to see what i see. But man, i just dont know how to start on this tough subject because my heart cannot even comprehend. Then that day Travis blew up and i may have made a mistake, but i need to push him. I have never been a brother, but i have had brothers and people who helped me and most of all the Lord Jesus. So i know i pushed him, but well worth it, because he will be stronger than ever. I just dont want him to mess up like i have seen others. I know i cannot push other mistakes upon him and learn and avoid them, but he has the heart of Christ. Then that night Silver came to my house and i was just shocked. She was totally different and i just do not know if i can trust her. But yet once again my heart speaks to do what is right. I tired to say the right words and do the right things. I thank Christ with the broken roads i walked on, because i would not be the man i am today. I would not have the words of wisdom or the words of love. I did not learn this from my parents or people, but from the Bible. I have to remember who i am. I need to. I need to remember to know i am not perfect, that i am a sinner, that i will fall, that i need to fall, that i need Jesus and know one else. My Passion In Life is to Know You, Christ.

Fireflight - For Those Who Wait (mp3 & Lyrics on Screen) HD

I Need to Spend More time With You

I honestly can say Lord, i feel the hatred of my heart start to grow. Its there, its lurking in the mist of my time with the world and once i start looking forward to You it becomes alive and hard to fight. Father i honestly hate my father. Its become such a pain in which i just do like it. I just have this hate in which man i just cannot think straight in this situation. For most of my worries at home are to not talk to him and just ignore him. It hurts yet i believe i should hate him for how he has treated my mom, my sister and me. A piece of my heart although wants to forgive and thats all. But most of all Father i wish to wake up and just spend time with you in some sense and not be lost in my day. Jesus you already know my path and you are surely to guide it, but please in the present be present. Be one with me and just guide me. With that i prayer the prayer you have thought me and all my brothers and sisters, because Jesus i will fall, but let your Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven.