"Do not lay a hand on the boy", hey said. "Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." -Genesis 22:12
Jesus it has been so hard to focus on you. It has been so difficult to lay down everything that is not love. Abraham's love for God is seen in this chapter. It is so clear that Abraham loved his son too. This reflection is so much more than what I can imagine. It shows the Father's love for You, and for us.
Do I understand that love? Nope. Will I ever comprehend it? Nope. I could answer out of knowledge that I can understand or comprehend that love by getting to know you, but how can I Jesus. How can I get to know you, without falling into my own works? I look at the Bible and I see this constant communication, but yet in my own relationship with you, it feels so worked upon. I thought that you are the one to sustain us. Am I wrong? I will be honest too, I look for physical answers, but that is not the full truth of who you are. I would want to remind people to not to look for physical answers, but have faith in the things unseen.
I have been caught up in the emotional movement that Christians are working so hard to have with you. They, I, are longing to be with you and feel you near, but in actuality it is driving us far from you because it is based on our own works. Can I be wrong? I am not saying to be emotionless, but we cannot seek to have physical answers and then see that as our foundation for believing. If that was true the disciples would have believed from the beginning. They would have believed when you rose from the dead and where before them, in the flesh.
Lord we are in a time that the culture I live in is separating me from you. I dislike it and I can feel it. I feel as if my bones are dying slowly. My joy is being zapped from me. My first love is being lost in a cloud of confusion and deceit. My first love is being lost in the being fear of the world. Jesus is this what I imagined that my walk would be like? I have forgotten how to stay in love. I was so desperate for you in the beginning, but the world just comes and confuses me. I will be honest, I have over done your grace and have become fearless. I fear the world more than anything. I fear how I will make a living. I fear how I will be able to work, make money to put food on the table, and go about your calling in the midst of this bloodsucking world.
Abraham feared the Father. Christ, I am asking for you to be my reminder. I am asking you to be my lover. I am asking you to be my judge. I am asking you to be gentle with me. I have forgotten something. I can say I know, but I will truly not know or understand.
What is it Lord that our fallen state makes us feel a million miles a way? What makes us hide? What causes us to go and fear everything but you? Jesus we need you to be our Savior once again. We need you to be our Brother, Lover, King, Prophet, Hope, and so on.
I ask Lord that your grace catches me before I look back. Save me from falling the footsteps of Lot's family. I need you to steal me away and fall in love. The culture is big, but I have forgotten who is bigger and actually creates and sets the show. May my classes this semester not draw me away from you. May my classes this semester not draw out a false love. One that is based on envy, lust, pride, knowledge, speed, boasting, rudeness, anger, wrongs, and above all self-seeking. The fear of the world draws us into all this. Save us Christ. Jesus may my eyes open like Elisha had his servant eyes open.
My Passion In Life is to Know You
My Life are the Notes Being Written Down by God
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The Jordan River
Surely, I have view much wrongly. I have sought out the gifts of God, rather than God himself. What do I hold dear to my heart? Greed? Lust? Personal gain? Self-righteousness? Our sinful nature longs to become the center of our hearts and souls. The year 2012 was full of blessings, yet heart changing experiences. I went all over the place and found myself torn into many pieces. I am still torn into pieces, that I cannot make out what is wrong. Well, to be honest it is not one thing, but I know the one thing that is separating me from my first love. Lack of acknowledgement!
Salvation has swept me away and now I either go with the flow or fight it, experiencing many difficulties. I did face many difficulties in 2012. First it was determining what ministry setting I was being called to. Then the lost of my closest mentors, which lead me to hate church and become divided. Then allowing my heart to seek after someone, when many things were not just right. Then I had to face the family situations at home. I had to move out and try to find a place to live. I would eventually come back, but in a weird way. I would have to depend on God to provide a job. I would have to choose honesty and integrity before lying and deceitfulness. I would fall into sin multiple times. I would try to be my own God and try to receive the glory and recognition that I so long for. How dirty I am.
Then other times I will flow with current and enjoy school. I would enjoy my summer job and find God in the midst of looking for opportunities. I would enjoy my times with my youth pastor and grow within my internship. I would experience many miracles, from night prayers, to thanksgiving, to God being in the midst of my car accident. I would say that I enjoyed my devotional times and learned so much about being a dirty sinner. I would see the grace that called me to repentance and glorifying my LORD. I would find myself longing for prayer and the Word. I would want to go share the Word of God with people and express this great work in me.
The good and the bad happened in 2012; yet as the year ended, I started to become funny. I started to see things differently. For the first time I was feeling the call to stand behind the scenes. I felt the need to see whether I should finally move forward. Now that I feel comfortable, something is lurking. Satan is trying his best to confuse me and cloud me. I now find it funny to be in prayer and just have a shallow level of communication. I find it so hard to cry about my troubles and other peoples troubles. I want to be noticed, but at the same times left alone. I guess 2012 was full of stuff that I am forgetting who was in charge of 2012 and my life.
I know that this first part of 2013, God is calling me to step out into faith and understand his love. I am reading Ephesians and a book called "From Here to Eternity". I do not understand the whole purpose of the church. I do not understand my calling. I am fighting the toughest part of the relationship, understanding and giving it back to God. God deserves his glory back. I know that before I step out in faith, I must understand God's heart for me and his church. The whole picture is more than I think and what I can understand with my heart, to the point of receiving graceful change. I want change, but I believe that I am working for it. I will lose my way, I know it. I cannot make the Word of God impact my life by saying "WOW!" or "UMM, I understand!!" It must show through my life. It must impact my heart to the point that I cannot help but live it out and experience it.
I do not understand the rebuilding of the temple or know much about it, but I am sure that the prophets that talk about that time of history have a lot to share about God's people trying and God's people walking humbly. God did not need the temple, but why do we as people try to make things happen for God? He can do it! Sigh, I can not even follow that.
This year's first messages were on Joshua 1 and 3. I have always been a person to lean upon people. When my mentors left the church, I felt defeated, lost, and alone. When I went to Biola, I felt alone, lost and restless. When I had to make decisions, I always went to people. I find myself seeking people even if they do not know me much. I long for the love and compassion of another person. This is one of my main scars and is one from the very beginning of the world. I held on to people's words, rather than God's. I even sought out the healing rooms at Water of Life. I would say they were awesome and encouraging, but now I am passed that and realize that I need God alone. I need my own quiet time and devotional time. I am tired of leaning on people. I only get hurt and so do others. When God provides me the right person, she will be the one I can lean on at times, but God should be her and my support.
I should not let go of God's Word, it must be in my thoughts, my mouth and life. What should be most important to my life, the covenant he made with me. Hebrews 11 talks is a great reminder that God was with everyone since the beginning of time. It is a great reminder in chapter 12 that the actions of God or the situation determine my identity or God's. Going forward or backward, there is a simple, unchangeable truth in God's Words. When Joshua was called to take the place of Moses, God told him three times, "be strong and courageous". Joshua had to deal with his relationship with God and then the relationship with the people and God. He had to lead a people who sinned so much in the desert, who were captive in Egypt, and sought out God physically. He had to bring these people into a new land that had 31 kings and 7 tribes of people. He had to establish rules, he had to face sin, and he had to face the reality of the whole picture. Did I mention that he was alone. Maybe Caleb, but he was alone for the most part.
Joshua continuously sought after God's Word and sought out to experience God. Do not God's people thirst for Jesus? The people before had a hope and now we have this hope, that is being able to see and be with Jesus. Do I really want to know Jesus more?? Of course, but man I am loosing it. I know it. I will mention it in my prayer coming up, but I really do not understand the great mystery. That is why I need to hold on to the power of prayer. Joesph prayed, Moses prayed, Joshua prayed, many other prayed, will I?
What do I know deep down that God is promising me? Should I go for it? Should I seek JESUS, while I am holding on to the promises? If God is asking me to see, will I see what he sees? I need to be bold before God.
Looking at Joshua 3, I realize how much is said after we have faith and have opportunities to learning more about who our God is. Now that I see that my Ark is Jesus Christ, I thus need to look upon him to know where the heck I am going. I must learn to accept his rest for me and his calling to go forward. I must experience God's power of salvation in the midst of the reality that seems to be bigger than God, but is not. I must continuous follow and go and stand in the river. This reminds me a lot of the great commission and great commandment. In God's timing we must see it, we must pray to understand it, but over all understand Him.
What is my Jordan river? My whole life will be full of them.
Lord, I come to you in prayer. I ask you to save me and remind me of who you are. Cloud me and keep me a flame. I ask you to let your Spirit, live in me and do what you see best. I can ask for many things, but just like Paul prayed for the church of Ephesus to know Jesus Christ before I come before Him. I ask Holy Spirit, you being my Comforter and Counselor and God, tell me everything that I may love Jesus that way he loves me. I am a sinner, but because Jesus blots out my sins, I will believe it, but help me be the bride he has called me to be. My eyes long for my Savior's face, but darkness creeps in. Let my eyes see Light and my body be of Light. My heart cries out upon reflecting on your own Word's. I want to know you more. I surrender, but that hope must do much more, it must draw me to Jesus. I guess my prayers have changed from having hope to be sanctified to be closer to Jesus and know Him before I know Him. Being in Christ, I surrender. Lord may I find you first. Holy Spirit may you be evermore present in my life. May I see you more and more. Father may you grant that mercy and hope.
Love you God. I truly do not understand this great mystery of love.
Salvation has swept me away and now I either go with the flow or fight it, experiencing many difficulties. I did face many difficulties in 2012. First it was determining what ministry setting I was being called to. Then the lost of my closest mentors, which lead me to hate church and become divided. Then allowing my heart to seek after someone, when many things were not just right. Then I had to face the family situations at home. I had to move out and try to find a place to live. I would eventually come back, but in a weird way. I would have to depend on God to provide a job. I would have to choose honesty and integrity before lying and deceitfulness. I would fall into sin multiple times. I would try to be my own God and try to receive the glory and recognition that I so long for. How dirty I am.
Then other times I will flow with current and enjoy school. I would enjoy my summer job and find God in the midst of looking for opportunities. I would enjoy my times with my youth pastor and grow within my internship. I would experience many miracles, from night prayers, to thanksgiving, to God being in the midst of my car accident. I would say that I enjoyed my devotional times and learned so much about being a dirty sinner. I would see the grace that called me to repentance and glorifying my LORD. I would find myself longing for prayer and the Word. I would want to go share the Word of God with people and express this great work in me.
The good and the bad happened in 2012; yet as the year ended, I started to become funny. I started to see things differently. For the first time I was feeling the call to stand behind the scenes. I felt the need to see whether I should finally move forward. Now that I feel comfortable, something is lurking. Satan is trying his best to confuse me and cloud me. I now find it funny to be in prayer and just have a shallow level of communication. I find it so hard to cry about my troubles and other peoples troubles. I want to be noticed, but at the same times left alone. I guess 2012 was full of stuff that I am forgetting who was in charge of 2012 and my life.
I know that this first part of 2013, God is calling me to step out into faith and understand his love. I am reading Ephesians and a book called "From Here to Eternity". I do not understand the whole purpose of the church. I do not understand my calling. I am fighting the toughest part of the relationship, understanding and giving it back to God. God deserves his glory back. I know that before I step out in faith, I must understand God's heart for me and his church. The whole picture is more than I think and what I can understand with my heart, to the point of receiving graceful change. I want change, but I believe that I am working for it. I will lose my way, I know it. I cannot make the Word of God impact my life by saying "WOW!" or "UMM, I understand!!" It must show through my life. It must impact my heart to the point that I cannot help but live it out and experience it.
I do not understand the rebuilding of the temple or know much about it, but I am sure that the prophets that talk about that time of history have a lot to share about God's people trying and God's people walking humbly. God did not need the temple, but why do we as people try to make things happen for God? He can do it! Sigh, I can not even follow that.
This year's first messages were on Joshua 1 and 3. I have always been a person to lean upon people. When my mentors left the church, I felt defeated, lost, and alone. When I went to Biola, I felt alone, lost and restless. When I had to make decisions, I always went to people. I find myself seeking people even if they do not know me much. I long for the love and compassion of another person. This is one of my main scars and is one from the very beginning of the world. I held on to people's words, rather than God's. I even sought out the healing rooms at Water of Life. I would say they were awesome and encouraging, but now I am passed that and realize that I need God alone. I need my own quiet time and devotional time. I am tired of leaning on people. I only get hurt and so do others. When God provides me the right person, she will be the one I can lean on at times, but God should be her and my support.
I should not let go of God's Word, it must be in my thoughts, my mouth and life. What should be most important to my life, the covenant he made with me. Hebrews 11 talks is a great reminder that God was with everyone since the beginning of time. It is a great reminder in chapter 12 that the actions of God or the situation determine my identity or God's. Going forward or backward, there is a simple, unchangeable truth in God's Words. When Joshua was called to take the place of Moses, God told him three times, "be strong and courageous". Joshua had to deal with his relationship with God and then the relationship with the people and God. He had to lead a people who sinned so much in the desert, who were captive in Egypt, and sought out God physically. He had to bring these people into a new land that had 31 kings and 7 tribes of people. He had to establish rules, he had to face sin, and he had to face the reality of the whole picture. Did I mention that he was alone. Maybe Caleb, but he was alone for the most part.
Joshua continuously sought after God's Word and sought out to experience God. Do not God's people thirst for Jesus? The people before had a hope and now we have this hope, that is being able to see and be with Jesus. Do I really want to know Jesus more?? Of course, but man I am loosing it. I know it. I will mention it in my prayer coming up, but I really do not understand the great mystery. That is why I need to hold on to the power of prayer. Joesph prayed, Moses prayed, Joshua prayed, many other prayed, will I?
What do I know deep down that God is promising me? Should I go for it? Should I seek JESUS, while I am holding on to the promises? If God is asking me to see, will I see what he sees? I need to be bold before God.
Looking at Joshua 3, I realize how much is said after we have faith and have opportunities to learning more about who our God is. Now that I see that my Ark is Jesus Christ, I thus need to look upon him to know where the heck I am going. I must learn to accept his rest for me and his calling to go forward. I must experience God's power of salvation in the midst of the reality that seems to be bigger than God, but is not. I must continuous follow and go and stand in the river. This reminds me a lot of the great commission and great commandment. In God's timing we must see it, we must pray to understand it, but over all understand Him.
What is my Jordan river? My whole life will be full of them.
Lord, I come to you in prayer. I ask you to save me and remind me of who you are. Cloud me and keep me a flame. I ask you to let your Spirit, live in me and do what you see best. I can ask for many things, but just like Paul prayed for the church of Ephesus to know Jesus Christ before I come before Him. I ask Holy Spirit, you being my Comforter and Counselor and God, tell me everything that I may love Jesus that way he loves me. I am a sinner, but because Jesus blots out my sins, I will believe it, but help me be the bride he has called me to be. My eyes long for my Savior's face, but darkness creeps in. Let my eyes see Light and my body be of Light. My heart cries out upon reflecting on your own Word's. I want to know you more. I surrender, but that hope must do much more, it must draw me to Jesus. I guess my prayers have changed from having hope to be sanctified to be closer to Jesus and know Him before I know Him. Being in Christ, I surrender. Lord may I find you first. Holy Spirit may you be evermore present in my life. May I see you more and more. Father may you grant that mercy and hope.
Love you God. I truly do not understand this great mystery of love.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
SO... TODAY
Yeah I have been on a break from my writing. I feel sad about it, but so much has came up. I have been on a constant battle against so many things. I feel like I am trying to control everything, but I shouldn't try...
This past few weeks have been awesome in seeing you use me. I had a great time at Ignite with the students at Etiwanda. I was encouraged to see London pray for my sister Kelly and help revive her faith in you. Then it has been amazing to see friends at school and just spend time with them. I thank you Lord, for the opportunities of learning and teaching. I did my first lesson at church and it was great. I need to stop clicking the marker. =p Then it was awesome to go to "The Send" with Jenny. I did not expect it to be as fruitful as I thought. But all I want to do is share your word every where I go. I met some awesome people and got closer to them. I thank you Lord.
Lord I thank you for my life. Yesterday was so tiring. I woke up so early, 5am, and I needed to do so many things. I really wish I could have spent my birthday with friends and people, but I had to work and take my Theology Mid-term. I did not do as great, but you know me, I like to be a prefectionist. I try so hard and when it comes to ministry and if I had a family, those things should be first. Especially, family when that time comes. I thank you Lord. It had been a rough couple of weeks. I need you help. I applied to the scholarship on my birthday and I hope you honor it. I would appreciate your strength and mighty arm in my life right now. I also want to say I finally took your advice to move in with Juan. It was a tough night, but I will slowly adjust and I do hope that I can practice spanish with them. I need your peace and joy in the midst of this change. I also need you help to find a place when I am down in Rancho Cucamonga. It would be nice to not be so divided in taking care of my car. i need you help Lord. To be honest nothing is easy. Sin is a hard thing to deal with. No longer am I looking to myself, but you. Sometimes it feels so hard, because I am so tired Lord. I feel so worn out. I want to spend time with you and not have to worry about things. You are my hope when it comes to the struggles of life. I want my future children and wife to know that in every season to look to you. Nothing is done without you. You are living. I want you to steal my heart Christ. No one is as great as you. You are God and you are my provider. Lord I lift up my prayers to you. Please listen to my heart and soul. I do not even understand it all, but its yours. I am asking you to fill my life with you. Holy Spirit take me away. No book or person can fill me up with life. Only your presence and Word. May I always pray to you. Lord may you give me the heart to continue to pray. Help me share your word. Help me be in you!!! Thank ABBA. I LOVE YOU!!!
This past few weeks have been awesome in seeing you use me. I had a great time at Ignite with the students at Etiwanda. I was encouraged to see London pray for my sister Kelly and help revive her faith in you. Then it has been amazing to see friends at school and just spend time with them. I thank you Lord, for the opportunities of learning and teaching. I did my first lesson at church and it was great. I need to stop clicking the marker. =p Then it was awesome to go to "The Send" with Jenny. I did not expect it to be as fruitful as I thought. But all I want to do is share your word every where I go. I met some awesome people and got closer to them. I thank you Lord.
Lord I thank you for my life. Yesterday was so tiring. I woke up so early, 5am, and I needed to do so many things. I really wish I could have spent my birthday with friends and people, but I had to work and take my Theology Mid-term. I did not do as great, but you know me, I like to be a prefectionist. I try so hard and when it comes to ministry and if I had a family, those things should be first. Especially, family when that time comes. I thank you Lord. It had been a rough couple of weeks. I need you help. I applied to the scholarship on my birthday and I hope you honor it. I would appreciate your strength and mighty arm in my life right now. I also want to say I finally took your advice to move in with Juan. It was a tough night, but I will slowly adjust and I do hope that I can practice spanish with them. I need your peace and joy in the midst of this change. I also need you help to find a place when I am down in Rancho Cucamonga. It would be nice to not be so divided in taking care of my car. i need you help Lord. To be honest nothing is easy. Sin is a hard thing to deal with. No longer am I looking to myself, but you. Sometimes it feels so hard, because I am so tired Lord. I feel so worn out. I want to spend time with you and not have to worry about things. You are my hope when it comes to the struggles of life. I want my future children and wife to know that in every season to look to you. Nothing is done without you. You are living. I want you to steal my heart Christ. No one is as great as you. You are God and you are my provider. Lord I lift up my prayers to you. Please listen to my heart and soul. I do not even understand it all, but its yours. I am asking you to fill my life with you. Holy Spirit take me away. No book or person can fill me up with life. Only your presence and Word. May I always pray to you. Lord may you give me the heart to continue to pray. Help me share your word. Help me be in you!!! Thank ABBA. I LOVE YOU!!!
The Past Past PAST!!!!
Time has been so quick this past few weeks. I am going to do my best to back track and recap everything.
Well this week 10/15-10/19 has been interesting. God has been really holding my hand. (Thank you). As I have been meeting with my students I have seriously been blessed. Their situations are so unique and they all struggle or have a thorn in their flesh. I have been learning so much and I have been thankful to be used. I really hope that they are doing well. Because of this, I have been really seeking the Lord to help me out. To strengthen me and realize that I need him. I am thankful that he has been increasing my hours of work and increasing my experience. I am thankful that Jen recognizes my hard work and I hope that I can go to school there with support. Lord may you move Kevin's heart to accept me as a staff member in the future.
I have been praying for Lance, because I know that a lot is on his mind. I hope that you may open up his heart Lord. I hope that you make strengthen both him and his sister. I hope that you continue to strengthen Travis and challenge Kevin. May the youth at Step With Christ open to your love.
This week I finally got to hangout with Biola friends. I feel so distant, but when have I been close. Just like Jason said, he came to know you. So did I, my first steps on campus was my calling to you. I never had it easy to find identity, but you make me everything Lord. I am thankful. I was glad to share with Zack and Brice about my situation. May you bless them. I was also glad to hangout with my sisters in Christ. I hope to continue to just be a brother in you towards everyone. Also I cannot forget spending time with Daniel and Kate. I am glad to hear about their dreams and Daniel's future urban ministry. Maybe him and Israel and even I can see your works.
The conferences that I went to were awesome. Just a reminder that I need to pray. I need to listen to you. I need to not lose sight of you. I feel it so easy to fall away from you. I am prone to leave the God I love. I want to break because I do not want to lose you. I hope Father than I may pray to you. I want to draw my own circles, big or small. I want to pray for your love. Save my family. Save me, save this generation. Lord we need your mercy...we really need you to forgive us. As I go into ministry, I hope to see you more and more. I hope to listen more and more. I hope to be your son and friend.
I thank you for United in Christ. They are struggling a bit and a lot they want to do. Give them strength. Give them heart to find you and not activities. Help them in their evangelism and may the enemy have nothing on the future Baccalaureate. This has never been done, but guess what your God, nothing is new to you.
We are jars of clay that have treasures in them. We are fragile and easily broken or even looking funky, but we have Jesus Christ in us. He is our value.
10/8-10/12
This week was intense. I was being attacked like crazy. As I recall, I just let things be and had not much care of what I needed to do to fight my "flesh", "my ambitions" and so on. We had celebrated my dads bday at red lobster. It was the first time in forever that we have come together to eat dinner outside of home. It was fun and funny to see my dad look like a dork dancing as we sang. Like always he was trying to pushing on me, but he got a taste of his own medicine lol. I was able to talk to Young about some important issues. The fact that Isaiah 41:14 was so powerful and that so many Christians need to be reminded of who God really is. To be reminded of their sins and that they need a sinner. We talked about future marriage and what that looks like. It wont be easy, especially financially, so need to talk to wife about that one. We also talk about how finances are all in God's hands. That is why I started to pray for trust and understanding of how I am a worm. I need to be reminded that messages are needed to be simple and plane with a direct idea. Also need to pray for clubs and ministry on campuses. I visited BASIC and it was awesome to just see. It is different from United in Christ, but Lord you are using them in their own way. May you strengthen them and may you help Daniel and Esther be confident in the truth of your word and working in them and out of them. Also it was fun to make dinner this weekend for Esther, Joe, and Lance. Saturday nights at church is fun.
10/1-10/5
This week was about my sister...I met the Lord at Starbucks. Then on the ride home. I shall not forget.
Friday, October 12, 2012
To Know His Promises
Every morning I read these awesome devotions that encourage me and can honestly say the Lord sets most of them to fit me. After reading this, I wanted to share it, because we need to always hear God's promises. Funny thing is that is what I have been preparing this week for message. Then also having the song from Lifehouse(Jesus Culture)-"Everything" play on repeat as I sleep and wake up everyday, to remind me that he is all I need and want. It is important to remind ourselves our brothers and sisters in Christ how much the Lord loves you and will keep his promises. Do not let the phrase "I love you" because just a normal saying. It means what it means.
I hope you guys enjoy. Have a blessed day.
HIS PROMISE IS ALL I NEED
by David Wilkerson
[May 19, 1931 - April 27, 2011]
God seals all His promises with an oath and we have the “legal” right to
stand on them. God cannot back away from any of His promises or He would not be
God. So we can hold to each promise and say, "Lord, I'm going to stand on what
You have said.”
You may say, "Wait a minute. Do you mean we're not supposed to commune with the
Lord?" I do not mean that at all. But the fact is, our communion with God is not
restricted to worship, praise or prayer. We commune with Him by actively leaning
on His written, revealed Word and our communion with Him also includes trusting
Him.
The Holy Spirit "speaks" mostly by leading us to pertinent Scripture passages,
showing us God's mind on any matter and telling us what steps to take. Why
should He speak with an inner voice when we will not "hear" His revealed,
written voice?
God does not have to tell us everything or reveal all His plans to us. In fact,
we can have intimacy with God simply by giving up our efforts to figure out His
voice. This kind of intimacy says, "Lord, even if I never hear another word
from You, You still give me everything I need. I know You love me. Your Word
has come to me and I am going to rest in that."
David is an example of this kind of trust. As this godly man lay on his
deathbed, he said: "Although my house be not so with God . . ." (2 Samuel
23:5). In other words: "I have not yet seen the fulfillment of all the words
the Lord has given me, yet I have been given a promise that my house will not
fall."
David had no prophet standing nearby, telling him these things. He had no
dream, no vision, no inner voice speaking to him. Instead, as he faced
eternity, he said, "God gave me a covenant promise in His Word. And I'll go
into eternity standing on that promise."
David went on in the same verse: "For this is all my salvation, and all my
desire." He was saying, in essence, "I can face death now because His promise
is all I need."
We may fail in our discernment, our hearing, our decisions, but we can rejoice
in our God, who is our strength. We must simply yield, stand still and see His
salvation!
I will come back to write, just been busy. I need to speak of my last week.
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
The Sense of Victory
Well I want to start by officially saying good morning Lord. It was hard to get today started due to being at the apartment and sleeping on the floor. Then Tyler was sick. Nevertheless, this morning I was thankful that you saved me in my dream from doing something I would not want to do. So I will praise the Lord for interrupting my dream and then I was later dreaming about being Goku and saving my family from a space ship that the government had. Man, what crazy dreams. Then having to later get sucked into a specific kitchen cabinet that lead me to a world in which I would have to get sucked into a huge hole in the ground to fight some one. But I now forget...
Well enough with the dreaming and now with the real stuff. Lord I want to say my desire to hangout with people that I want to hangout with is tough. I will say I was disappointed and yes, I was trying to persuade Sarah to come so I can spend time. I am wanting to get to know specific women to start remembering what it is like to date and actually find the right person in my life. In one month I will be 22 and it would be nice to step into a new season of relationships, specifically with a girl. But, before that I know that I need to get a job and continuously talk to you about my sins. I need to listen to you. I need to spend time with you Lord.
Yesterday was awesome in which I met with old friends and got a phone interview with a real estate firm. I felt really comfortable talking to the women and I did not realize until after that I was sharing my life with her. It was hard to listen to her over the phone, but I was glad to have it. I am hoping to receive this job. It is good pay, good experience, and good hours. Well Lord, may your will be done. You know exactly what to do. I mean if I get this job, will my mornings still be spent with you? Will become stress? Will joy arise from it? I want to say Lord, there is a sense of victory in you. This battle is ending in your hands. The success is not based on my own decision, but obedience is. Jesus, I have been taking so much joy in being able to give up. I have taken joy in the fact that everyday is not a high. That when I open the Bible and just continue reading from where I left off, I am going to get to know you more, not just expecting to read a life manual and use you.
This war is over. The cross has paid it Jesus. Now battles may be lost or won along this journey, but surely the war is over. May this be a reminder that even though I do not know what will be the outcome of this whole job search, that I am trusting in the Lord. May this be a reminder that my life is so complex and hidden, that I am also dealing with my "flesh". May this be a reminder that I am taking 18 units, an internship, $600 worth of bills, living at home where there is much healing needed, youth group, students I mentor, and people I know. Jesus life is so complex and my soul is thirsting to know you and be filled with your Spirit. Jesus may you establish the works of my hands. Yes, Jesus through your blood, may the Father send the Holy Spirit and establish the works of my hands. May I see the beauty of the Lord and be amazed.
Lord now that I think about it yesterday I read how you told the disciples to feed the people. They questioned immediately how? There are 5000 men and that is not including women and children. But with five loaves of bread and two fish you feed everyone. Yes, Lord, if you place me in the field to be in, may I feed people the living word for man does not live by bread alone but by the Word of God. Lord I am going to go onto campuses tomorrow and thursday. Am I doing your will? May you be my righteous path that leads me to what I need to do just like you guided Paul and other believers. Lord you can doing anything, but it is you who knows when the rain needs to drop and how to judge. You are God and I am not. May I read your word and be in joy of what you have done in the lives of early believers.
Thank you Jesus. Victory is in your hands and may I share with people who won my battle once again. May those who doubt, be amazed by the power of my King, Priest, and Prophet. May they know I daily desire my Savior's presence.
Well enough with the dreaming and now with the real stuff. Lord I want to say my desire to hangout with people that I want to hangout with is tough. I will say I was disappointed and yes, I was trying to persuade Sarah to come so I can spend time. I am wanting to get to know specific women to start remembering what it is like to date and actually find the right person in my life. In one month I will be 22 and it would be nice to step into a new season of relationships, specifically with a girl. But, before that I know that I need to get a job and continuously talk to you about my sins. I need to listen to you. I need to spend time with you Lord.
Yesterday was awesome in which I met with old friends and got a phone interview with a real estate firm. I felt really comfortable talking to the women and I did not realize until after that I was sharing my life with her. It was hard to listen to her over the phone, but I was glad to have it. I am hoping to receive this job. It is good pay, good experience, and good hours. Well Lord, may your will be done. You know exactly what to do. I mean if I get this job, will my mornings still be spent with you? Will become stress? Will joy arise from it? I want to say Lord, there is a sense of victory in you. This battle is ending in your hands. The success is not based on my own decision, but obedience is. Jesus, I have been taking so much joy in being able to give up. I have taken joy in the fact that everyday is not a high. That when I open the Bible and just continue reading from where I left off, I am going to get to know you more, not just expecting to read a life manual and use you.
This war is over. The cross has paid it Jesus. Now battles may be lost or won along this journey, but surely the war is over. May this be a reminder that even though I do not know what will be the outcome of this whole job search, that I am trusting in the Lord. May this be a reminder that my life is so complex and hidden, that I am also dealing with my "flesh". May this be a reminder that I am taking 18 units, an internship, $600 worth of bills, living at home where there is much healing needed, youth group, students I mentor, and people I know. Jesus life is so complex and my soul is thirsting to know you and be filled with your Spirit. Jesus may you establish the works of my hands. Yes, Jesus through your blood, may the Father send the Holy Spirit and establish the works of my hands. May I see the beauty of the Lord and be amazed.
Lord now that I think about it yesterday I read how you told the disciples to feed the people. They questioned immediately how? There are 5000 men and that is not including women and children. But with five loaves of bread and two fish you feed everyone. Yes, Lord, if you place me in the field to be in, may I feed people the living word for man does not live by bread alone but by the Word of God. Lord I am going to go onto campuses tomorrow and thursday. Am I doing your will? May you be my righteous path that leads me to what I need to do just like you guided Paul and other believers. Lord you can doing anything, but it is you who knows when the rain needs to drop and how to judge. You are God and I am not. May I read your word and be in joy of what you have done in the lives of early believers.
Thank you Jesus. Victory is in your hands and may I share with people who won my battle once again. May those who doubt, be amazed by the power of my King, Priest, and Prophet. May they know I daily desire my Savior's presence.
Saturday, September 29, 2012
To Know
It is obvious Lord, that no matter what I want to do, the chances of me bearing fruit of the Spirit is slim. Lord, what can man boast in? What can I boast in? As easy or hard as I receive something, I can lose it. As I continue to listen to John Pipers messages on Romans 7:14-25, I am grateful for the gospel. O what a wretched man I am. I do not know when I will fall into the enemies deception, but I do not want to just give up to the enemy like a coward. I want to fight and wage war by knowing the Truth. I want to boast in knowing the Lord.
Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” -Jeremiah 9:23-24
Lord, when you spoke to Jeremiah and Israel, you continuously listened and put yourself out to your children. But, like you mentioned, their hearts were "uncircumcised". I will be honest that my heart is uncircumcised in many areas. I tend to always want to be boastful, prideful, lustful, and selfish. Lord, I will confess that it is not easy to deal with these matters. The world makes it so glossy, so required, and so desired. No matter what I try to do, it has been engraved since my birth. Original Sin is that real and this "flesh" is the being that I wage war against; nevertheless, losing and winning has been a daily part of my life.
Surely, I can just ask to know you more. Jesus as I go into ministry, I realize there is so much darkness and falseness in this world. It almost makes me not want to do ministry. It is ridiculous how bad things are. I see the field and I almost find it helpless. I find myself powerless and wondering what the heck can I do? I do not even have the strength to help myself. Yet, and I say this in Truth, the Lord's hand can make anything impossible seem possible. Jesus can you make Psalm 90:17 come to be. May this prophetic Word be the Truth in my life. May I boast in the Work the Lord gives me because of what Jesus has done, will do, and is now doing. May I see your beauty! Lord, shine your face upon me and be merciful. Lord, just like David, may I learn to know you more. Lord just like David's servants that carried the Ark of the Covenant, can you help me and may I give offerings of thankfulness. May your Word be engraved in my heart and in my spirit. May I know You!
Let the beauty(favor) of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands! -Psalm 90:17
Holy Spirit, guard me. Truth will be said, I feel the temptation ready to make me fall. Holy Spirit, my flesh is pressing on a level that my spirit recognizes as the beginning attacks. I do not want to fall and just Paul said I will. Just like Peter I will. Thank You God for the Lord Jesus Christ that died and carried the horrible "flesh" with Him. I cannot express this Truth the best extent, but you know. Holy Spirit, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna. May I know You!
Thus says the Lord: “Let not the wise man boast in his wisdom, let not the mighty man boast in his might, let not the rich man boast in his riches, but let him who boasts boast in this, that he understands and knows me, that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth. For in these things I delight, declares the Lord.” -Jeremiah 9:23-24
Lord, when you spoke to Jeremiah and Israel, you continuously listened and put yourself out to your children. But, like you mentioned, their hearts were "uncircumcised". I will be honest that my heart is uncircumcised in many areas. I tend to always want to be boastful, prideful, lustful, and selfish. Lord, I will confess that it is not easy to deal with these matters. The world makes it so glossy, so required, and so desired. No matter what I try to do, it has been engraved since my birth. Original Sin is that real and this "flesh" is the being that I wage war against; nevertheless, losing and winning has been a daily part of my life.
Surely, I can just ask to know you more. Jesus as I go into ministry, I realize there is so much darkness and falseness in this world. It almost makes me not want to do ministry. It is ridiculous how bad things are. I see the field and I almost find it helpless. I find myself powerless and wondering what the heck can I do? I do not even have the strength to help myself. Yet, and I say this in Truth, the Lord's hand can make anything impossible seem possible. Jesus can you make Psalm 90:17 come to be. May this prophetic Word be the Truth in my life. May I boast in the Work the Lord gives me because of what Jesus has done, will do, and is now doing. May I see your beauty! Lord, shine your face upon me and be merciful. Lord, just like David, may I learn to know you more. Lord just like David's servants that carried the Ark of the Covenant, can you help me and may I give offerings of thankfulness. May your Word be engraved in my heart and in my spirit. May I know You!
Let the beauty(favor) of the Lord our God be upon us,
and establish the work of our hands upon us;
yes, establish the work of our hands! -Psalm 90:17
Holy Spirit, guard me. Truth will be said, I feel the temptation ready to make me fall. Holy Spirit, my flesh is pressing on a level that my spirit recognizes as the beginning attacks. I do not want to fall and just Paul said I will. Just like Peter I will. Thank You God for the Lord Jesus Christ that died and carried the horrible "flesh" with Him. I cannot express this Truth the best extent, but you know. Holy Spirit, Hosanna, Hosanna, Hosanna. May I know You!
Thursday, September 27, 2012
I May Be Weak
...But Your Spirit is strong in me.
Lord, I want to start off this morning, by thanking you for meeting with Young once again. My perspective can easy change. So, I want to confess a sense of thankfulness and gratitude. Today I was able to earlier express my pains and Ecclesiastes Chapter 5. I was able to just share why I went off on my own and what eternal factors led to those decisions that I have made. I was also glad that I was able to hear what he was going through. How for him, trusting in you is even the most difficult thing. How he did not have a mentor in a sense, but you had place certain people in his life to guide him. Then Lord how important it is to listen to your Spirit.
Being able to listen to your Spirit is the most easiest, yet hardest thing to do. Our "flesh" still consumes our way of life. Lord, Young and I talked about when Paul came to a diversion of his ministry, he knew it was you. He knew that he was noting going to Asia because of your Spirit. It was not like you was there in person, but that he understood the next step of his ministry. As a future leader and even right now, I am wondering how can we distinguish your path, from Satan's attack. I think we already know but, from a distance we try to make it something more.
Lord, where am I? I know I am looking for a job. I know that I am at my parents house. I know I only have so much money. I know my car cannot go distances without paying the price. I know that I am at Step with Christ Church. I know that I am interning right now. I know next semester I have 18units and need to live out there. I know I hope to go to a Cambodia next summer. I know I want to be used by you. I know that I think I need a ministry job. I know I want to find the right person in my life. I know that my sin constant distorts all these things.
But above all this Lord, I know that you are True. Jesus, where am I? In faith, Lord, I know your in my inner being. Lord Abba, may you please just be my warmth in my darkness. I want to run sometimes. I want to hide or blame something else. I want to say your not doing anything. I want to argue with you. I want to make myself right. But all that is pride. All this is ignorance of the truth. That is not life. Jesus, "flesh" is something not easy to deal with. I do not even understand the whole concept of sin, but I do know this, "That in Your Way" there is something I know to be true. Lord, to imagine that first breath Adam took, must have been amazing. When I think about it the relationship was so intimate, that Adam must have thought I need one more breath, Lord, Yes, your with me. There was no change of thought. There was the fullness of the intimate relationship. Adam's, "yes" was a definite, "yes". It was so close you gave Him the opportunity to take care of creation. You even gave Him the opportunity to take part of creating someone in his image. Your character was clearly in him.
But when sin came and Satan did his thing, the "yes", became "it was her", it became distorted. I am no father, but hearing stories of how children act, there is a resemblance of what happened in the garden. Nevertheless, Adam was no longer depending on you on the level that was Holy and relational. In fact, I would think he forgot how his first deep breath was like and how he needed a second breath from you.
Lord I am weak. I am broken. I am in need of your air and your breath. My Spirit is longing for more of you. There is more to this. I know ministry is awesome, but I would have to come to terms to the fact that your worth more. In fact, there is nothing more than you. I cannot cloth myself. I cannot feed myself. I cannot lead myself. I need your Spirit's guidance. I need you. Please be gentle and kind. Forgive me of my sins and even people I know or do not know. We are all in this mess and we long for you. As I go to Etiwanda today, prepare meeting. As I am at my locations of studying and work, prepare meeting. May you be my provider and comforter. Thank you Jesus for everything.
Make I continue to look up to you. Well I am going to read Luke and Psalms and listen to Mr. Piper on Romans. I do not know if that is a lot, but man how much I love to grasp the Gospel to share with others.
Lord, I want to start off this morning, by thanking you for meeting with Young once again. My perspective can easy change. So, I want to confess a sense of thankfulness and gratitude. Today I was able to earlier express my pains and Ecclesiastes Chapter 5. I was able to just share why I went off on my own and what eternal factors led to those decisions that I have made. I was also glad that I was able to hear what he was going through. How for him, trusting in you is even the most difficult thing. How he did not have a mentor in a sense, but you had place certain people in his life to guide him. Then Lord how important it is to listen to your Spirit.
Being able to listen to your Spirit is the most easiest, yet hardest thing to do. Our "flesh" still consumes our way of life. Lord, Young and I talked about when Paul came to a diversion of his ministry, he knew it was you. He knew that he was noting going to Asia because of your Spirit. It was not like you was there in person, but that he understood the next step of his ministry. As a future leader and even right now, I am wondering how can we distinguish your path, from Satan's attack. I think we already know but, from a distance we try to make it something more.
Lord, where am I? I know I am looking for a job. I know that I am at my parents house. I know I only have so much money. I know my car cannot go distances without paying the price. I know that I am at Step with Christ Church. I know that I am interning right now. I know next semester I have 18units and need to live out there. I know I hope to go to a Cambodia next summer. I know I want to be used by you. I know that I think I need a ministry job. I know I want to find the right person in my life. I know that my sin constant distorts all these things.
But above all this Lord, I know that you are True. Jesus, where am I? In faith, Lord, I know your in my inner being. Lord Abba, may you please just be my warmth in my darkness. I want to run sometimes. I want to hide or blame something else. I want to say your not doing anything. I want to argue with you. I want to make myself right. But all that is pride. All this is ignorance of the truth. That is not life. Jesus, "flesh" is something not easy to deal with. I do not even understand the whole concept of sin, but I do know this, "That in Your Way" there is something I know to be true. Lord, to imagine that first breath Adam took, must have been amazing. When I think about it the relationship was so intimate, that Adam must have thought I need one more breath, Lord, Yes, your with me. There was no change of thought. There was the fullness of the intimate relationship. Adam's, "yes" was a definite, "yes". It was so close you gave Him the opportunity to take care of creation. You even gave Him the opportunity to take part of creating someone in his image. Your character was clearly in him.
But when sin came and Satan did his thing, the "yes", became "it was her", it became distorted. I am no father, but hearing stories of how children act, there is a resemblance of what happened in the garden. Nevertheless, Adam was no longer depending on you on the level that was Holy and relational. In fact, I would think he forgot how his first deep breath was like and how he needed a second breath from you.
Lord I am weak. I am broken. I am in need of your air and your breath. My Spirit is longing for more of you. There is more to this. I know ministry is awesome, but I would have to come to terms to the fact that your worth more. In fact, there is nothing more than you. I cannot cloth myself. I cannot feed myself. I cannot lead myself. I need your Spirit's guidance. I need you. Please be gentle and kind. Forgive me of my sins and even people I know or do not know. We are all in this mess and we long for you. As I go to Etiwanda today, prepare meeting. As I am at my locations of studying and work, prepare meeting. May you be my provider and comforter. Thank you Jesus for everything.
Make I continue to look up to you. Well I am going to read Luke and Psalms and listen to Mr. Piper on Romans. I do not know if that is a lot, but man how much I love to grasp the Gospel to share with others.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Out Cry
I wont deny it Lord, I am looking at the situation as if I cannot handle it. Or in better terms, that you are not watching over me. My hope is that I can see what you see. I can love what you love. Lord you saw me going to sleep last night and saw me wake up this morning. Surely, you saw on my heart the trouble that is coming. I am telling you Lord, I only have two months worth of money to pay for bills. I do not know how to go about this. This is really not a cause to ask for support, because everyone is looking for support. Lord I am asking for support from you though. I am asking how I will be able to pay bills, food, and gas. I am asking how I will be able to attend school. I am asking how I will finish my assignments. I am asking how I will serve at church and go into ministry. Lord so much is jumbled. The puzzles look like they can all fit into a place, but I would not know if that picture would be the best one. I pray Jesus that in your mighty name that you can start closing doors and opening doors into my life so I can follow you. I believe in the power of the resurrection and the creator of the universe. So in Christ I ask for faith. I ask for an out pour of support from your heavenly realms. I can either speak words of cursing or words of blessing. I am so glad that you used me to encourage my sister and if there where others as well. In that same power of witnesses I ask for you grace. I ask to be steadfast in your love and enjoy everything that you are. Surely, the enemy would want me to refocus my thoughts, but in Christ may the living Word empower me to do your will where ever you call me. Jesus in your love I ask for mercy and justice. I ask that may I walk humble with you. May the love that empowered your disciple reign in me. May my enemies fall before the King of all creation. I ask Lord once again to hear my outcry for continual movement.
After 30min
I turn to Psalm 90 this morning and I am glad that I am digging deep into it. I am glad you are speaking through it. Well it is your Word and it just depends on your Spirit doing the work in Christ. The Psalmist opens up reminding himself of your character. You are not just God, but our Creator who is continually making us a new. In an instant we can become dust, that is truly one thing I can tell an atheist is true. But as much as you can take a man in his sleep, you are able to wake him to life with your Spirit. Jesus your glory reveals our sins, but because we are adopted from the darkness, you are continuously making us new in you. Lord, I might have legalized my life so much and I have sinned before you. Everyday is a day of judgement, but because I am surely being made new in you, I can confess the goodness of my Savior. Jesus, my foundation is in you. My days are numbered and I act like I do not think you know that. Of course my God knows my days. Of course God knows when to use me. I hope that in you Lord I may remind myself of your glory when I awake in the morning. I pray Lord that your love, mercy and grace may meet me like a fragrance that I cannot image. Lord touch my heart. Lord save me. O Savior, relent! I can say that my heart is yours, but you know the darkness that it carries. Lord write on my heart the law you call me to follow. Lord write on my heart Jesus. Once again, I say Jesus, take me. I ask in the name of Jesus Christ to be sealed up in Jesus love. May I be satisfied when I wake up. May I see your unveiling love. May I sing throughout all my days. Lord as much as I have been in trouble, can you restore to me what you see fitting. I ask for mercy Father. I ask for mercy!!! I ask for your double portion! I ask for your favor and your concern! I ask for your movement in my life. May joy of the gospel compel my heart. May I take heart and treasure everything that you are. Lord my finally prayer that comes from this Psalm is this, "May the favor, the beauty, of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands." I speak Words of truth!! What was cursed by Adam falling is now re-created in the image of its Creator. Now the work of God is our hope. Now the beauty of the Lord is all that we seek. So Jesus in you I am. I am broken, I am your child that desires the Truth, the Way and the Life. I speak blessing over my life. I speak of triumph because everything is finished. Lord Jesus Christ only you can establish the work that will come out of these hands. Only you can make me work. In faith, I say that I will find work, because in Christ Jesus the joy of the Lord will overcome. Thank you Jesus for everything. May I never lose the wonder of the cross. May I never lose what you have done. May I lay down my life to be yours.
After 30min
I turn to Psalm 90 this morning and I am glad that I am digging deep into it. I am glad you are speaking through it. Well it is your Word and it just depends on your Spirit doing the work in Christ. The Psalmist opens up reminding himself of your character. You are not just God, but our Creator who is continually making us a new. In an instant we can become dust, that is truly one thing I can tell an atheist is true. But as much as you can take a man in his sleep, you are able to wake him to life with your Spirit. Jesus your glory reveals our sins, but because we are adopted from the darkness, you are continuously making us new in you. Lord, I might have legalized my life so much and I have sinned before you. Everyday is a day of judgement, but because I am surely being made new in you, I can confess the goodness of my Savior. Jesus, my foundation is in you. My days are numbered and I act like I do not think you know that. Of course my God knows my days. Of course God knows when to use me. I hope that in you Lord I may remind myself of your glory when I awake in the morning. I pray Lord that your love, mercy and grace may meet me like a fragrance that I cannot image. Lord touch my heart. Lord save me. O Savior, relent! I can say that my heart is yours, but you know the darkness that it carries. Lord write on my heart the law you call me to follow. Lord write on my heart Jesus. Once again, I say Jesus, take me. I ask in the name of Jesus Christ to be sealed up in Jesus love. May I be satisfied when I wake up. May I see your unveiling love. May I sing throughout all my days. Lord as much as I have been in trouble, can you restore to me what you see fitting. I ask for mercy Father. I ask for mercy!!! I ask for your double portion! I ask for your favor and your concern! I ask for your movement in my life. May joy of the gospel compel my heart. May I take heart and treasure everything that you are. Lord my finally prayer that comes from this Psalm is this, "May the favor, the beauty, of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish work of our hands for us- yes, establish the work of our hands." I speak Words of truth!! What was cursed by Adam falling is now re-created in the image of its Creator. Now the work of God is our hope. Now the beauty of the Lord is all that we seek. So Jesus in you I am. I am broken, I am your child that desires the Truth, the Way and the Life. I speak blessing over my life. I speak of triumph because everything is finished. Lord Jesus Christ only you can establish the work that will come out of these hands. Only you can make me work. In faith, I say that I will find work, because in Christ Jesus the joy of the Lord will overcome. Thank you Jesus for everything. May I never lose the wonder of the cross. May I never lose what you have done. May I lay down my life to be yours.
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