To Fear

"Do not lay a hand on the boy", hey said.  "Do not do anything to him.  Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son." -Genesis 22:12

Jesus it has been so hard to focus on you.  It has been so difficult to lay down everything that is not love.  Abraham's love for God is seen in this chapter.  It is so clear that Abraham loved his son too.  This reflection is so much more than what I can imagine.  It shows the Father's love for You, and for us.

Do I understand that love? Nope.  Will I ever comprehend it? Nope.  I could answer out of knowledge that I can understand or comprehend that love by getting to know you, but how can I Jesus.  How can I get to know you, without falling into my own works?  I look at the Bible and I see this constant communication, but yet in my own relationship with you, it feels so worked upon.  I thought that you are the one to sustain us.  Am I wrong?  I will be honest too, I look for physical answers, but that is not the full truth of who you are.  I would want to remind people to not to look for physical answers, but have faith in the things unseen.

I have been caught up in the emotional movement that Christians are working so hard to have with you.  They, I, are longing to be with you and feel you near, but in actuality it is driving us far from you because it is based on our own works.  Can I be wrong?  I am not saying to be emotionless, but we cannot seek to have physical answers and then see that as our foundation for believing.  If that was true the disciples would have believed from the beginning.  They would have believed when you rose from the dead and where before them, in the flesh.

Lord we are in a time that the culture I live in is separating me from you.  I dislike it and I can feel it.  I feel as if my bones are dying slowly.  My joy is being zapped from me.  My first love is being lost in a cloud of confusion and deceit.  My first love is being lost in the being fear of the world.  Jesus is this what I imagined that my walk would be like?  I have forgotten how to stay in love.  I was so desperate for you in the beginning, but the world just comes and confuses me.  I will be honest, I have over done your grace and have become fearless.  I fear the world more than anything.  I fear how I will make a living.  I fear how I will be able to work, make money to put food on the table, and go about your calling in the midst of this bloodsucking world.

Abraham feared the Father.  Christ, I am asking for you to be my reminder.  I am asking you to be my lover.  I am asking you to be my judge.  I am asking you to be gentle with me.  I have forgotten something.  I can say I know, but I will truly not know or understand.

What is it Lord that our fallen state makes us feel a million miles a way?  What makes us hide?  What causes us to go and fear everything but you?  Jesus we need you to be our Savior once again.  We need you to be our Brother, Lover, King, Prophet, Hope, and so on.

I ask Lord that your grace catches me before I look back.  Save me from falling the footsteps of Lot's family.  I need you to steal me away and fall in love.  The culture is big, but I have forgotten who is bigger and actually creates and sets the show.  May my classes this semester not draw me away from you.  May my classes this semester not draw out a false love.  One that is based on envy, lust, pride, knowledge, speed, boasting, rudeness, anger, wrongs, and above all self-seeking.  The fear of the world draws us into all this.  Save us Christ.  Jesus may my eyes open like Elisha had his servant eyes open.