No one want to come to the conclusion that all this world brings is suffering. In fact, our society desires to find a cure to all forms of suffering. Well is there? Can a world fill with imperfect find its perfection. Can a cure to one disease lead to a cure to all? Can the possibility of eternal life (meaning physical), be the best cure ever? Stop and think of the consequences. Can a limited world become infinite with the driven force of man? Can life be brought to a state of perfection?
August has been a month of thoughts and laying down my pride. Well Jesus you are at work in me. The thought that my Christian walk should be full of joy and happiness is prideful. It is the opposite of being Christ-like. To want perfection in an imperfect world is becoming a god, its being proud, its being something that I cannot be. It is this thought that brought about wars, empires, capitalism, slavery, divorce, and many more self-worth desires. Surely, you know that we are meant to be one in you.
Jesus I thank you for coming on earth to make an example of what unity with the Father is. Surely we are called to be co-heirs with you. Surely we are to be servants with you. To have confidence in my flesh is to be so far from your grace. Paul writes in Philippians that he desires to be confident in You. He desires to suffer along you as if it was profitable. What is it that he sees? Obviously I had missed it and I hope to live it. He never saw the suffering as profit or the recognition, but he saw you as the riches he would receive. It is as if he understood Stephen. He basically saw Stephen stoned and then called out the order to do so. Surely, that image and him hearing Stephen saying, "Look, I see heaven open and the Son of Man standing at the right hand of God", became a throne in his flesh. The thought of what he was may have or may have not left him even though he spent three years in Arabia.
Paul desired to want to know you. I this word know in Greek is the same one use in Hebrew in Genesis 4:1. In that Paul wanted to know your power, your righteousness, your love, your grace, everything that is you. But even we cannot fathom or think to know we got it in our grasp. I am a jar of clay that continuously gets broken and re-shaped. On that thought, Paul wanted to share in your sufferings. He understood that sharing in sufferings we becomes that much more dependent on you and your Holy Spirit. By this somehow, just somehow, the power of the resurrection becomes attainable for your glory. The power of the Holy Spirit is then working through faith.
Just like Francis Chan, I want to be able to walk this world proclaim you. But when I speak I do not want to be just saying mere words, but words of the Holy One. I want to be intimate with you to the point of understanding your heart for all of your creation. To at least try to fathom your love for me.
God, you know that I want to go forth. You know my situation right now. I have two internships. I have a broken heart. I am filled with evil things and worldly things when it comes to church. I am ready to move when your ready to. I am desiring to teach. I am desiring to preach. I am desiring to be reestablished. I am desiring things to build a ministers heart and mind. Therefore, all this comes from you. All this you can deal with. Only in you can I find myself. My flesh is hard to battle, but more than that I need your armor to press forward in this world and within your bride.
I guess I should not be surprised of the great work within me. Your Word is not surprised by it. Your not surprised. Man your awesome. 1 Peter 4:12
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