I May Be Weak

...But Your Spirit is strong in me.  

Lord, I want to start off this morning, by thanking you for meeting with Young once again.  My perspective can easy change.  So, I want to confess a sense of thankfulness and gratitude.  Today I was able to earlier express my pains and Ecclesiastes Chapter 5.  I was able to just share why I went off on my own and what eternal factors led to those decisions that I have made.  I was also glad that I was able to hear what he was going through.  How for him, trusting in you is even the most difficult thing.  How he did not have a mentor in a sense, but you had place certain people in his life to guide him.  Then Lord how important it is to listen to your Spirit.

Being able to listen to your Spirit is the most easiest, yet hardest thing to do.  Our "flesh" still consumes our way of life.  Lord, Young and I talked about when Paul came to a diversion of his ministry, he knew it was you.  He knew that he was noting going to Asia because of your Spirit.  It was not like you was there in person, but that he understood the next step of his ministry.  As a future leader and even right now, I am wondering how can we distinguish your path, from Satan's attack.  I think we already know but, from a distance we try to make it something more.

Lord, where am I?  I know I am looking for a job.  I know that I am at my parents house.  I know I only have so much money.  I know my car cannot go distances without paying the price.  I know that I am at Step with Christ Church.  I know that I am interning right now.  I know next semester I have 18units and need to live out there.  I know I hope to go to a Cambodia next summer.  I know I want to be used by you.  I know that I think I need a ministry job.  I know I want to find the right person in my life.  I know that my sin constant distorts all these things.

But above all this Lord,  I know that you are True.  Jesus, where am I?  In faith, Lord, I know your in my inner being.  Lord Abba, may you please just be my warmth in my darkness.  I want to run sometimes.  I want to hide or blame something else.  I want to say your not doing anything.  I want to argue with you.  I want to make myself right.  But all that is pride.  All this is ignorance of the truth.  That is not life.  Jesus, "flesh" is something not easy to deal with.  I do not even understand the whole concept of sin, but I do know this, "That in Your Way" there is something I know to be true.  Lord, to imagine that first breath Adam took, must have been amazing.  When I think about it the relationship was so intimate, that Adam must have thought I need one more breath, Lord, Yes, your with me.  There was no change of thought.  There was the fullness of the intimate relationship.  Adam's, "yes" was a definite, "yes".  It was so close you gave Him the opportunity to take care of creation.  You even gave Him the opportunity to take part of creating someone in his image.  Your character was clearly in him.

But when sin came and Satan did his thing, the "yes", became "it was her", it became distorted.  I am no father, but hearing stories of how children act, there is a resemblance of what happened in the garden. Nevertheless, Adam was no longer depending on you on the level that was Holy and relational.  In fact, I would think he forgot how his first deep breath was like and how he needed a second breath from you.

Lord I am weak.  I am broken.  I am in need of your air and your breath.  My Spirit is longing for more of you.  There is more to this.  I know ministry is awesome, but I would have to come to terms to the fact that your worth more.  In fact, there is nothing more than you.  I cannot cloth myself.  I cannot feed myself.  I cannot lead myself.  I need your Spirit's guidance.  I need you.  Please be gentle and kind.  Forgive me of my sins and even people I know or do not know.  We are all in this mess and we long for you.  As I go to Etiwanda today, prepare meeting.  As I am at my locations of studying and work, prepare meeting.  May you be my provider and comforter.  Thank you Jesus for everything.
Make I continue to look up to you.  Well I am going to read Luke and Psalms and listen to Mr. Piper on Romans.  I do not know if that is a lot, but man how much I love to grasp the Gospel to share with others.