Need to Circulate the Situation

Father, its been a while since i have come to this area of my life and be myself. I wanted to be able to just rest within your word and seek guidance through my situations. As i am listening to one of my favorite songs, i look back and you have done so much for me when i was wanting to walk away. Lord you know how much i struggle. How much i fight with you and at the same time i want to breathe you in. As i read Job here and there, i realize how much you have touched my life. Lately i have been strong, but Lord i fear messing up and failing you. I want to let you be my center and i want to seek your love. I do not know how family is doing, i do not know how church is doing, i been living my life. I been seeing my brothers and sisters in Christ struggle, and i just see all. You have given me that gift of being able to see and sensible to all. I do not know if i will break down and i do not if fail. Lord, i am looking for your love. I do not ask for strength, because i do not want to sound selfish and i want you. I want to lay everything before you. Lord a piece of me wish to be at college service tonight with the girl whom i care for, yet i am stuck at school. I want to study hard to my test, i want to finish my homework, i want to have my free time, i want to make enough money for my care payment, i want, and i want. It bugs me when i come to this type of thinking. I want what you want Father. Your my Abba and your the voice and word that seek in the mist of everything. I want to see your presence in my life where i am trying to control. It is difficult to separate everything and look to you. I get all anxious and my old self wants to reign. I have nothing over it, besides you. Like how Job sought for your counsel and continuously knocked on the door, my heart is beating the same. Here i am now, not know what to exactly to do, but i feel exhausted and full of this restlessness. Father, why am i here? Why do i seem to look for you more than anything and why do i find myself drawing near to certain people? Man i got lots of emotions tonight. Lots!!