The Fear of...

The Fear of being alone is always a fight. I am not alone, but i do feel the seasons changing and i am trying to adjust to it. I am not sure what to feel, but the past few days i have been able to just think like i use to. The ability to drive long distances is great, but then becomes a burden. Yet i look back and i am able to spend quiet time with my Savior. I just think, talk, and pray for many things. Feelings fly and emotions are falling from me into a raging sea. I am not sure what i feel, but i know it feels weird being twenty years old and just think so care fear. Living on campus is fun, but it is easy to become care fear and just think for yourself. I mean i have always provided for myself and has always gave effort to support my family. Now i really do not have much to support. I feel as if i need to. As a man i need to be caring and supporting to someone or at most family. As a man i am seeing how much i need to start my life, that my parents and other family members will not be the support for my failures too. That as a man, as a future father i will make mistakes and need to accept them. That in this life i will walk the street empty handed sometime. Its not the matter of if, but when. I feel this push on my heart that this life style is not for me. I mean i have been working since i was 16 and have always worked hard to get things done and i thank my dad for pushing me. I have become a man of get integrity. I take also Christ for showing me so much. I thank my mom for being the financial support most of my life. But i feel as if my parents are to focus on themselves and each other while i got to walk alone and have Christ watch over me. He has been there so many times, i got to look back at my past to have me be reminded of my journey. I have this fear, but i got to walk forward. I got to be a man. I got to see my faults and strengths. Its scary because we live in a generation that is not use to failing, when failing makes a person rich and full. I thought today as i was driving, how each i can be swept from this world, how fragile i am, and how i am walking without family somewhat currently. I just cannot seem to be fond of this lifestyle. I really need to be working and moving, i cannot let life race by while i sit. Same time i am use to supporting myself.

I ask that Christ i will enjoy this season with You. I have met many new people and i am involve with many things, but i am not fully fund of this lifestyle. I have this drive to keep moving. I do not know what i mean, but i know You understand me. Hear me. I ask that You make a way where i cannot. My heart is fragile and i ask that You keep it tight in Your hands. I ask to keep my family in Your hands. I ask that You hear our prayers. I know You listen, but You shape our situations for more than we can ever think of. I ask to also hear my prayers for everyone else that i do not forget to pray for. That You will also be the guide in there lives. That You alone stir up there hearts and show much You are God, Life, Love, Strength, Joy, Hope and everything for You created the stars in the sky.