What Should I Do?

First off, Father i am not perfect, i am not pure as snow without You. Time and time again i will fall. I will just go beyond Your Word and be selfish. I am not tired nor weak, but some what being prideful and wanting to act alone. Why do i do this? Because i do not know what Your answer is. Maybe i do, but i try to sly around it. I try to think i know best. I know parts of my heart will not be healed until the years to come, but help me to be a patient man. Help me to be Your servant and not try to wrestle You. Surly i will come to that. Your the great I AM. You say, "I AM able to lift You, I AM able to hold you, guard you, secure you, help you, send the needed support, and guide you." Please before i make a fool out of myself let me hear You. I am sinful, i am not worthy to dwell in Your courts, all i can give is myself, but at my side is my Savior and he defends me. He understands me, He feels what i feel; He realizes how the flesh is constantly bombarded with anxiety; with its wanting, with its ability to suffocate my soul, with the constant will to act, with emotional and physically pulling. Christ is my defender and can't You see that in my eyes i look to Him more than anything. Or am i wrong? Or am i in the clouds? I learned this past week how much the flesh is able to rule.

Just see my situation. See that where i am at, i am not afraid to act, but it can cause utter destruction in the end. I long to see You face. Show me You Love me. Show me that i am too, Your child. This area of my life i am the weakest. This area i can try to stand, but only to be made a fool. To only be stripped of the very life You give. How can You watch as i fall asleep with the same thoughts every night. Or in the middle of the day i just think of the situation. I am trying to be patient. I am trying to be the best man You have create me to be so far. Where do i go? What do i do? Why do i seek You, yet not know Your answer clearly? When do i act? Then if anything How? You overwhelm me, You do. I know to only go to You now, just most times its hard to see through my will. Your my hearts and souls desire. Please save me before i try to grab the steering wheel and try to control the car and wreck it.