New Year

Its as if a dream was dreamed and i was no way in charge.
Father this is for You and Your Son.
Sorry i cannot keep straight on Your ways. I am happy to see You be apart of my life in which i am so glad for. Jesus, Your grace brings so much filling unlike other things that may seem feeling. Your Love never fails. I cannot say how much the word Love means to me. One things remains in the storm. One things remains when i am confused. One thing remains when life seem dry. One thing remains when i am standing or falling. That one thing is Your Love. It never gives up and never runs out on me. Jesus...why is it...why is it hard to except Your Love above all? It is easy to say that I will never except other types of love, but its hard. I want to be some what filled from this world or some what have this filling of placing.

Once again this past year was a year of many hard decisions. It was a year a having to deal with loss. I mean lots of losses. Family, relationships, money, objects, people, feelings, school, and anythings that was just overwhelming. Yet in turn You provided much gain towards the end of this year. I feel a sense of fear that i will once again be in darkness. Is it right to fear the dark? Or should i fear You more?

I start this year heading into a new territory. Can i walk their? Huh...CHRIST!!! I am afraid. I have been looking forward to this event, but i just do not know what the heck to expect. Compared to last year i was looking for all of You in my situations, but know its as if i feel i have You, yet do i trust You?? I mean You grabbed me from the depth and held me in the darkness. I cried so much Father. I was so full of tears. I was full of hate. I was full of emotions. I was full of loss. I was looking for my Savior so desperately. I think being desperate is such a key in our relationship. I need to be able to able to be desperate for You. Father. Christ. Please this year, HOLD ME. My heart for You is the same, or at least i believe that. You never change. I ask You to pray for me Christ. I ask that You pray so much for me, even so much that you pray for me to pray. Jesus i ask for Your guider, i ask for the thing You spoke of before You left us. I ask to send that helper. I ask for the Holy Spirit, I ask for Your Love. I have failed to hear you recently because i was blinded, but from hear out can the Holy Spirit be apart of this. Can i hear what Your spoke of? Can i have Hope in what You aloud to be written? Can i feel what is of the Holy Spirit? Jesus, please i do not want to forget. I want to be able to walk for You and its difficult to when i was not able to point out that helper. You are my God. You are my Strength. You are my LOVE. Please. PLEASE. Where You go i go, but i need Your prayers and helper. Can You hear me, for many walk with delight, but fall soon, yet with You i am a mess to be worked with. Can You be the God that is written and hold me. Can You hear me and be the God to shine in my life. Make Your way in my life to reveal Your awesome glory. Your my God. Do not let me down. For its You i depend on at the end of everything i enter. Do not leave me, for You Love i desire of most. Do not leave me.