The Start of a New

You know things are not perfect when things are real. I enter the start of a new season. Things are becoming more and more real as i enter. Do i feel ready? Am i ready? Starting a new chapter in life is not easy. The sense of having something to hold on to is at most importance. Its as if you want to change yet your accustomed to the old. The sense of being whole is now fading because now that you have grown its no longer whole, but once again ready to be filled.

Is it right to throw bleach into dirty water hoping that it will clean it? I dont think so, it just makes more of a mess and then overflows. Things were never perfect i just knew that i must enjoy what i had, for the change would come and once again it would be the struggle of living with that purpose i was given.

There is a time for everything.
A time for planting,
A time for reaping,
A time to destroy,
A time to construct,
A time to cry,
A time to laugh,
A time to count your gains,
A time to count your losses,
A time to hold on,
A time to let go,
A time to SHUT UP,
A time to SPEAK UP,
A time to LOVE,
A time to HATE.
Those four i seem to have trouble with and this is why i highlight them. In the end there is noting that will be carried with me besides Love and Hate. What good does it do to try to impress and what good does it do when trying to get someones attention? What good does it do to rely on someone when they too fail? Why does it seem that we start a new we try to have people notice? What glory is it all for? Does boasting improve yourself? Do good works with wrong intentions bring forth fruit? Can i say what i was doing was a sense of fear? Do i fear the next season and not even notice it? Something does not seem right. All around me things are into place. But I. Do i fall into place? Am i in the right place? These next three weeks are going to be the most difficult, i sense it. I sense that i will not SHUT UP when i should and that i will not SPEAK UP when i should. I will LOVE when i shouldnt and I will HATE when i shouldnt. I have decided that there's nothing better to do that go ahead and have a good time and get the most i can out of life, its God's gift. Yet, when given a gift do you see the right intentions or are we blind to see the heart of it all. I have been given so much lately, but am i messing the point of all this??? Am i to just receive it and let go. Am i suppose to keep seeking your gifts and prepare for the new start, the new chapter, the new epic journey of life.

For two years i was seeking the life of college and now that its on its way, do i have the right heart. Does it really make a difference in life for me? I have also concluded that whatever Christ does, thats the way its going to be, always. Yet when i try to make things happen i fail. I guess this is the end of that road and now that i am knowing the next road is coming up, i am busy starring at the surroundings thinking i am going to lose most of this and what is to come?? I am fighting the thought of letting go of things and holding on to others. What is worth fighting for and keeping? Can i honestly wrestle the huge God of my life over things i want? I want to fight for You, Lord, yet i want to fight for they and I. I see what is in front of me right now and want it. I want to fight for it. I want to try, but am i trying to hard?

As i think, i am falling down the path i have once fallen. Help me to not lose myself and walk on water before i drown into a new season. You are faithful. I am not, they are not, we are not. Watch over me. I pray for them as well to watch over them. So easy to cry out to you and see You once second yet fall the next. We need You every second. We need You every minute, every hour, every day, month, season, year and life time. We just need You for there is none like You.