Finally

This fire that i believe that i have received by Christ is burning. Burning in joy to see my family move. Saturday was a day that showed me how important it is to share your faith. How to not give up hope with family. How to see the impossible become the possible. I still struggle with my sin, but my heart seeks the one and only savior. Last night i saw how much i need to be a leader in my family. I need to shine this light in me. I must struggle with it and shine it. My sister broke down in such a way that it was time. I do not know if she wants to fight the good fight like i did, but she is seeking truth in some way. This is the birth of how Christ moves. Glory to this moment in my life. I would have never expected to see this from Vanessa. I was happy for her to struggle, but i knew deep down that i need to be that leader for her too, because she cannot walk alone in the beginning. Like myself i had my church to support me, but at one point it became all Christ that was the center. I also need to be the leader for my mom and the rest of the family. I must not forget my identity in Christ. Right now i struggle to get myself back into my school mode. As well i am struggling to get into my daily devotion mode. Then next week is school. Now school is normally normal, but for me, she is going to be in my class and lab. Now this is surely going to be my struggle. The parts of me that i thought were some what healed are truly not, so therefore i just do not know what to expect. Like i told my sister do not worry for the future, but i am human and i should have told he it is hard to not worry. I surely do hope that this semester Christ can heal what i could not have. I have failed big time. I hope that i can let the Lord be the one to move and not me. I hope that i can give him enough room. I hope that i do not fall like in the past. I hope that he can make the man i am becoming shine. I hope Christ that i do not let my will come out but let your will shine. It is time i believe that Christ will hold me, yet can i hold on to Him correctly. I realize that i do care for this women in a different ways than others and the sense of jealousy always comes upon me. Lord draw me closer to thee. Please do not let go of me. My heart is already shaking. My mind is already wanting to think wrongly. My soul thirst for truth and love. I will write this because it is stupid, but should be written down because it shows my weakness as well as others. I want to see; Lord help me like you are helping my sister... never mind it does not make sense. It is stupid to even think like that. HE IS ALREADY WORKING WITH ME, but i do not know if he will make what i want to come true, but it is not my will. He knows best for me. Thank you Jesus.