This Month

I find myself reflecting how this month has gone by. I believe it has been the most challenging due to keeping my relationship with Christ and in keeping my life busy with the world. The first part if the month was full of studying, full of catching up, full of problems, and just life throwing things one by one. In that moment their was no excuse to rely on Christ and just keep searching for him in the mist of it all. I was able to stand in my day with confidence of Him being one with me. It hurts to face things, but some how it feels good to know He is in control. After finals i went straight into relax mood. I had nothing to worry about besides the problems at home and within myself. I felt less busy and by that felt less need for my Savior. I felt less involved in taking on the challenges of the world, by that needing to be less involved with Christ. I don't know if its just me, but when somethings in your daily habits change it feels awkward. It feels like you walk knowing something was once what it was, now its grown to something new. Not saying its bad nor good, but when it comes down to having daily or weekly habits with Christ and things change, its so hard to find yourself in the mist of the weather change. Its as the weather we are recently having, one day its hot and then the next its cold, when we are expecting summer to be already here. One night i was out at my friends house and as i was on the roof staring into the night sky with a full moon, i felt like i was missing a piece of me. I looked at the moon thinking wow surely someone big may have made this, but who? O yea my Lord. Then once again during this Sunday, Pastor talked about the nature around us and i was just amazed, yet felt less dependent every moment of my day. Yes, their are times i cry out to him, but its not like before when it was walking to class, driving my car, eating at subway, and studying at starbucks. Things happen in a blink, in a flash, in a second the things that are important and you tried to hold on to tight become different. None of this is bad, but when we forget how we got to where we are, then some where along that path we lost the meaning of reflection. Reflection of how much our Savior has brought out of sinful nature into his arms. Its only been 2 weeks since school ended, but it feel like an eternity that i have focused on Him for my whole day. Now im busy trying to spend time with friends, playing games, playing sports, watching netflix, and i will honestly say drink sometimes at night with friends. Yea it is fun, but i find myself thinking, "oh how much miss seeing You in the mist of the daily challenges at school and just being alone in this world". I know my chains are gone, but i have not stopped until today to just reflect on this month. So much has happened with my relationship with Christ in both good and bad ways. Like the weather we are having right now, its weird because we are use to the heat everyday and expect it, but i has not been like that. So i do not know what my point is, but all i know is that do not let this summer ruin what you have gain or ruin what has been already done. Its just best to reflect this past school year or semester and think about what has happened with Christ in the middle of it all. For example i forgot that my prayer in the beginning of this month was to truly trust Christ, but in the mist of my change i lost it. I lost a lot of what was my connection to Christ and lost my drive to call out to him. So tonight before i go to bed i pray that i will not lose what i have gained and be thankful. But above all i pray that he will lead me and everyone, because surely i cannot lead myself and right now i am seeing that. I hate having a logical and thoughtful mind because it toys with my emotions like a tug of war game. So yea i guess thats where wisdom and love is needed from Chirst. Glad Jenny is their to talk about her Proverb verses. It something that i need sometimes. In the end it always comes back to the word. So just dont lose that guys. Hope i said somethings right in the mist of my sleepiness.