My Heart

Only You Father can keep me walking, breathing and standing. I do not know how to live with out Your love. I guess i do not know what to do with my family and i thought henry and the rest of the family would be ok, but even them i see the hurt. Man Lord what do i do? I want to act, but i cant. It is only of your will that i can just do things. Its if my heart wants to act, but instead i see myself acting without your green light. I see that i have messed up, i am chasing a dream that should not be chased and it kills me. I see my family and the pain is beyond words. The wind blows and i sway. The sea is rushing with strength and is just overcoming. I find myself so speechless and tired. I do not know what i want truly and i do not know what to feel. I am tired of chasing these dreams and i am tired of trying to see good in people that cannot be good. I am full of thoughts and i cam full of shame. I feel like my heart is struggling to survive. please keep my heart alive. I am nothing in this world. It is meaningless to just survive and live this world. It is ridiculous how it is. I want to be who you call me to be, but i am dieing. I am being suffocated. It is as if death is reigning in my family. Where are you?? Why is it so hard to trust you and feel you? Why do you do this Jesus. Please just come and hold me. I need a Father. I need one. I need love...