Lord, My Goliath Is Facing Me

Man too much has gone through my head Lord. First i want to start off tonight with a plea for the forgiveness of my sins, for i fall short. Lord after listening to Shane talk, i guess i have to stop being scared. I know i should rely on you, but then that comes at a cost and i guess my situation is that i do not like it and honestly i do not like my situation. I feel as the curse is long and painful, but then what does it mean to carry the cross? Lord help to me to understand you and your love. I guess thats why i need to be patient in everything i do and surely i need to not be envious. Thats been a killer lately every once in a while. As i see the meeting grow at Chaffey, i am glad, but then growth comes with a cost and i am praying for Sunyoung to be able to take it. I feel like this is a deja-vu from my freshmen year at Chaffey. Things flowed with trials here and there, but at the end of the school year everything fell apart. So as the meeting grows Lord, that i will not be scared to face Goliath, because Lord i sure do hope it works. I am only human. Like David he just hoped, because to have faith is tough. It is going to get tough for her so i pray for her and everyone else that i know. Help me to understand Chris more as well. I got to believe in you. I have to, because there has to be reasons and you are good. I must stand up and take up my cross, if it brings pain, then i guess ill have to face it and cry out more. It hurts. I will say, it hurts. This last year has been painful. I cannot pray right Lord, because i have been praying for a year for this one prayer, so i just give my heart and tears. Love is patient, so ill guess i learn to be. I look to you as my role model, but help me because i do not just want to watch living a third-person faith, but a first-person faith. Lord Lord Lord. GUIDE ME. I will keeping trying to let go of everything, but please take me, even if it hurts my worldly flesh, mind, and heart. I must rely on you. You are good. I must fall on my knees, my face, and just let you take my heart and tears. Be my role model.