Who You Are!!!

Lord, i find myself being eaten away again. Not because of myself, but because i see so much fall in front of my eyes. I do not know if it is because i am not understanding your will, but i think i am not. See i cannot even think straight. I am lost with in my thoughts. I am restless and cannot sleep well. I am looking for you, but do know how to in this situation. Or i mean situations. I know i put her on the top, but i do have other stuff. Man like i hope my uncle becomes strong again. Just seeing how the family is close together is good, but at what cost? Is this all in your plan. I just want to cry right now at Starbucks. Because so much is racing through my mind and i would rather just be at church and cry out to you. I find myself relying on you so much more, yet is so anxious to hear you, feel you, or see you. I feel like i may have done something wrong too. But what do i know? I didnt try to. I did not want to do so many things wrong. I keep having all these thoughts, my dreams are making them come back. I wake up in the middle of the night constantly. Then last night i found myself crying. Why?? What is bothering me so much that even in my dreams i cry and then become real. I feel this burning inside my heart. I feel if i need to just let go and do something different and rely on you way more. I feel that i may have become to grow in my riches or that you have been filling my cup, yet i need to do things right in what you put in it. Because if not i know i will fall hard again. I will just become something that will be tangled by the thorns. I really want to just rely on you much more and nothing more. I do hope that the other at church come to that realization because i do not want to be that only person that grows. Or that only person who cant talk to everyone. Thats one thing that i miss the most. Just being able to talk. Just being able to say hey i am here for you can i pray for you. Or that to me. I MISS IT ALL. I AM STUCK IN THE PAST BUT IT WAS THE CLOSEST I FELT TO YOU AND TO EVERYONE. Now i feel that i am close to you, yet far from them. What do i do? What does a person do? What does a leader do? What does brother do? What does a family member do? What does a friend do? What does a disciple do? What does a child of your will do? What does helpless person do? What does a person do when he does not know how to share his riches? What does a person do to receive your riches? What does a person do????? You are My Maker. You are My Savior. You are My Lover. You are My Creator. You are My Remedy. You are My Soul. You are My Life. You will be My Job. You will be My Wife. You will be My Children. You will be My Everything. Let it be that i just do not lose you.