John 3:16

"For God so loved the world, that he gave His only begotten Son so that everyone who believes in Him might not perish but might have eternal life."
Lord, i been lost in this desert. It is hard to hear your voice or even yet perceive it. For it is what my heart longs for. Lord in my desert i will still praise you. First off lord this feels hard, my life feels hard. Feels as if my senses are off. Lord i cannot move, i which to have you only. I longed for love so much yet i cannot find it and if i do from friends or family it is not satisfying. I long for your love. Lord i thank you so much for my family. Hard to say and i know i never tell them but i love them. I think i get this from my dad. For his affection is dry like the desert. But who am i to judge the length of love. I do love him and taylor. I love vanessa and i love mom. But many things come in the way. I love mama who lol, do not know how to spell in english, but even though i dont see her, she is my grandma and i am blessed to have her. I miss her dearly. But i just do not understand why my dad does not bring her often and why i never see my family on that side. Then i love my grandpa and my grandma. I do not know how i can live with out them. They raised me and taught me well. Especially the head leader tata. Man he means so much. He is a great example of a grandpa i want to become. He loves you Jesus. He loves his family and is full of stories and jokes. He is a windy =]. I love my uncles for they supported me so much even showed me much. I love my cousins. Seeing them grow is so funny. Watching the video of clarissa, joel, daniel, and mia at home depot made me so happy to see them have such a blessed childhood. Man i much i will enjoy having kids. Then my older cousins. I seen the bad and the good of them. Just man im glad to see the change and the growth. Then Gorda haha, she is the best. I am glad she is apart of the family. Makes me smile to see my whole family together. Just the joy and the atmosphere that nothing can match. I love my church family. For they give me strength. But recently it feels dry and different. I love jenny and ester. They are like little sisters to me and how i see them in the future as important singers and role models. They are growing up so quick. Then joe and sharon. Man i remember how little they were. Then jasmine and evelyn. It seems like just yesterday when they were shy, yet edger to learn your word. Then i did like eveyln at one point, but it was more like the admiration of how much she loved your lord. That taught me how much to long for your love. Then gloria and sunyoung. Man i miss hanging out with them. I remember when i first met both of them. Both shy, yet there passion grew like fire. It reminds me of myself. The fun times i did enjoy but sometimes it leads to a broken friendship. Sunyoung although it is hard to explain, but she helped me back then. She help me out of drugs and the trials i faced. I think that is the reason why i grew to like her, but i was shy and made the wrong mistakes at the wrong times. Nevertheless, she is apart of my heart like everyone else at church. Then Paul. Man that guy. I love him so much. It is amazing how he as been in the valley of death, but you picked him right out of it. He doesnt know it but he helped me so much to be strong. Along with steven and andy. I care for them. I hate to see them hurt as for everyone else. I wish they knew that i can see them and i pray for them. Nicole and Justin. I'm not korean but i sure would like to call them hyung and nuna. Because man i love these two to death. They bring me joy and strength. Just watching them makes me want to grow too. It makes me want to overcome my limitations. Makes me want to see how Christ is in me. They seem so strong, but i know they are like me and that makes me glad to know i am just like them. Karen is now the most funniest person i seen grow. Its as if she was so quiet yet is something more now and is becoming a strong leader. She had become the core of youth group. Michael too is the core of youth group. So much leadership potential and praise leader, but his flesh grabs at him. He has it, though. I pray that he will be guided with your love Christ, because that is the biggest responsibility. As for everyone else, man i see so much. They are all apart of me; janice, lance, andrew and his bros, abe, jdsn, gina, soo, tim, phillip, diane, peyton, patrick, ect sorry if i forgot your name. But sad to say, all this love that i have poured out is drying my cup. I feel like as we grow older we grow apart. I feel like it has become a burden to be at church and do things together. I miss the days when we were young. It is a struggle to understand what my heart feels. But i know its everything that is killing me. Including church. Lord i cannot find myself. I miss the passion i have for you. Lord how much i would love to praise you forever. Thats why i love church mostly, because i can worship you. I feel like in my general life it is the struggle to find time for you. Teach me lord as well for everyone to love. Because its one thing that i seem to cannot find. Not that i do not have it, but that i have yet to understand it from you and others. Everyone i love you guys. I hope you can understand that even though you make me mad or sad, your the world to me. I even forgot my close friends. Derek, mike, kevin, travis, shantal, grecia, angela, erika, kevin han, paul, jason, kenny, alex, george, jeff, shannon, jennifer, ect. But all this love is my strength, but my biggest enemy and weakness. For i run dry too...