I Give Up

Lord Father i plea that you recreate my heart. I search for the right things to do and the right things to say. My heart has become solid. Every time this brings be to wonder why. Then again a layer of tough rock continues to overcome and cover me. Teach me Lord to raise up your banner. I miss doing what is right for you. But i feel like that i have been living here so long. Same situation after another. Like life has become a robotic state. Please come quick and lift me on eagles wings. My heart search for something more than my own life, yet i want to having full meaning in my life. Like the teacher at APU stated, i struggle to accept my self within my self. The self is you. It is your love. It is your ways. Like Matthew chapter 19, i feel like i want to reach the kingdom of heaven, yet like the man i cannot give my ways, my thoughts, my riches, my everything. What do i do? What do i say? What is my heart trying to break from. Why do i let my thoughts destroy me. I'm your child, yet i am so stupid. Please find me and stop me. Stop me from covering my heart more and more. I'm standing looking every where for you. I want to fall down and break this solid situation, to hear you and truly say i love you. But i cannot. What is impossible for man is possible for God.