Though I May Shake, The Gospel in me Will Never Shake!

Lord, today started off on the wrong start in many ways. Sorry. =/ Its funny how my mind day dreams a lot in a false reality that i create. Last night just blew my mind in so many places and it is so hard to control my thoughts when i try to focus on the wrong things and not you. I wish Lord that this is an opportunity to grow in you. Its hard to understand todays messages in a grasp. Isaiah 43 it was you that said that to think about your past yet forget it. Jesus it hurts me to think in just unrighteous ways that are not pure, noble, right, and just praise worthy. Lord, i will not try in my efforts to change my life every day, but by having a different mind set on you and wanting to spend more time with you, i pray that my circumstances will change for the better. Jesus, my biggest scars in my life are the fact of my past relationships and disappointments with the people that i liked and it never seized to work out. Once again i did the same thing although i was with you. I did something wrong and it is my fault. The times i spent with Mindy, was just physical satisfaction and deep inside i wanted to fall into temptation, yet thanks to your grace you used Sunyoung to back away. That i know it was you. Lord sometimes i doubt your presence because is see people talk about how you some how told them the answer, yet for me it is through situations. Jesus i still pray that this attraction to her grows, but in your name Lord. As well my selfish desires disappear from this body and only focus on the women you welcome into my life. Lord like Isaiah speaks before you answer, i been silent in my plea for i feel disgusted with myself. But Jesus Christ come like a rushing wind and by your grace protect my thoughts and heart from selfish desires and wants. Holy Spirit in me guide me with this situation. I no longer want to live in past troubles that have been played out over and over again like a broken record. Lord i know this situation and turn around in a second because your my God and all our God. Your the savior that protects us in every way. To me this type of burden is my fire and every time i was thinking i was being burned. It still feels like that, but my plea is Lord that my thoughts are pure and well focused on what is right by your Word. Lord i have failed with my situation with her, but if my heart tells me to not let go is it you? I get jealous so quickly now. I never did that before. Lord Jesus, i plea and petition to you. I ask dearly. I do not want to sound forceful or angry, but Lord. Jesus. If anything in my life was to be for your glory, is this not it? Is this not what a man is suppose to see in a women? Their heart, their ways, their burdens, their situations, their lifestyle? Sound like a crush huh? Sound like i can be crazy in the head? But Lord Nicole and Justin made a point, looking for a spouse is really important. Lord thats why i do not want to carry the sins my parents have made, but by not having sex with different women, giving parts of my heart to people, and so on. But by just holding it in for the right person, i will do. I think it is a blessing that i will do that. Only your grace has shown me that. Once again its hard to keep straight in this situation that to many will seem dumb, crazy, and small, but this is my future with someone and your the core that will control it. It is hard as it is being mexican and at korean church. Its hard to even have that type of ethnicity look at me with the same eyes i do. I may not understand your will. But Lord if my heart is like this, i plea in prayer and petition that this year you will working in that part of my life to the fullest. Let not this year repeat, but be new in this desert that has been so dry in my life for many years. Guide me Jesus. Cloth me. Wash me with the Holy Spirit which i will not loose you. Your my creator. Why should i been so sad? Arm in Arm i wish to find the right person Lord with your word being the center. Lord is she not the one?