So today i am on the 8th chapter of "Searching for God Knows What" and it was just interesting how Donald talks about life. How easily we make our life the situation being on a lifeboat with different types of people and to survive who would you let go? Donald explains that when he was in elementry school he answered the lawyer, since many people think of them crooked and money hungry. But, when asked that question today it is easily changed. Is it because we think of each other not equal? Good example Donald points out is that if a alien where to come to earth and see humans, the alien would think that humans may be equal in anatomy and chemistry, but they all judge each other and focus to much on differences that are not even relevant. Such as Adam and Eve, before the fall, they where naked and did not have a mind that focused so much on differences. But after the fall this all changed and thats why God asked them "Who told you, you are naked?" Aliens, Adam, and Eve (before the fall), would look at humans today as aliens. Think why so much judging, ideals, and concepts of life that are not relevant in Gods eyes. Like we are not born knowing what is ugly and beautiful, but we are taught that through society as we grow. Is this not of God? Surely it isn't and is the biggest reason why we need Christ. This is why wars are never ending. This is why we idolize. This is so much of how our lives are run. We feel so lonely and our lives are just basically the search of something this can fill our cup. As we mature we look for family, then friends, then a spouse, then our children, and then anything our hands can grasp, yet everything some how is not enough and never is. That is why Christ is the solution. Not a solution to a formula, but to our lonely relationship problem. Even his words say he will fill our cup and from that everything will overflow on to others.
God i have been searching in so many places in my life to have something fill my cup. It even has become the biggest scar. Being lonely is actually the biggest scar for every human. I mean we need you lord. Honestly i know so many people including myself that search for a feeling to be happy, complete, you can say pure. Just right now i got a call for Paul and Andy to blaze, but you know just be with them lord. I know that feeling of being lonely. Of being lost. I would rather be sober and think of you. Lord, although it is hard to stay strong with my scar on top of me. Even my past. I mean the selfish side of me would like to go. The dark side you so say would say yea dude we do i meet you. But i know it does not feel my cup. Nothing will. Simply put no matter how much i would like to be in a relationship and especially with Sunyoung, would it fill me? Would it fill her? Honestly, Lord, if you where to answer my prayers, would i be the same? Or would i be cocky and think it was on my own strength? Honestly today i would day no, but tomorrow i would not know. Lord, all i know is that i want to breathe you in. I want you to be the breath that speaks to my wife, friends, family, and children. I want you to be my center. Once, again Lord i still think i have become selfish with my emotions with her and have let my past scars determine our friendship and relationship. Every night i wounder why my heart thinks of her so much different than that of other women, but it has to be for a reason. Isn't it your will? Lord i pray that you listen to my prayer and petition. I pray that you would also be by her side for school, family, and he struggles. I know she has so much to bare and by prayer she is not alone, first of all you are their and second let my prayer be with her. Lord, have your way. I know you will make a new. I will wait with thanks, knowing you are making a new in the desert that i am in as well her and everyone else. Spirit of God fall in this place, this church, this heart of mine and just have the passion for your name. Thank you so much Lord. Just keep me strong from temptation. As well the thoughts of thinking that i deserve reward for something that i do not bring to my life. Only you bring such joy, grace, and blessings to my life. Thank you Jesus for being in our shoes. You know how much we long for your arrival.
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