Formulas or Relationship?

Its funny how i keep reading this book and i am put in my place. I feel so ashamed on how i perceive God's word. It just, now that i think about it, i did not really read the Bible with true meaning. Every time i read the Bible i was looking for verses that reflect a mirror image of me and not Christ. Every time i would not read the Bible knowing that it is God talking to my heart, mind, and soul. I would rather look for the verse that fit me as if it was the solution to a formula. How easy it is to take lightly the word of God. I mean should fear run in me? Not fear of he will take my life and punish me with all his wrath, but the fear how he know who we are. The fear that he made the Universe and can give and take away as he pleases. Yet, we use him to our formulated world. In author of "Searching for God Knows What" made a point. In the time of Christ and after his death poetry linked so much meaning to the heart, mind, and soul of a person. Yet, now these days we read over the poetry that David, Moses, and other writers wrote. It was intended for us to feel God speak to us in heart, mind, and soul. I recently went to networking gathering with friends, but as i was there listening to the person talk, i thought in my mind why is come down to this? Why do people search so hard for solutions in life from others. Plane and simple life is rough. But everyone is not intended to be rich and everyone can not have a easy life. You try to hard to get an easy life, by the time you know it things can fall apart in other parts of life. God does not want us as humans to have an easy life. If so we dont need him. We wouldn't need Christ to die on the cross. Thats why when my friend told me enjoy this economy i knew i would do that. I will let Christ guide me, if that means going into debit for a bit, not getting things i want, well do. I got CHRIST. I got his love, his grace, and his huge family of believers. Some times we get blinded by our past and some how think we can make the next year different on our own. I wont change. Sorry it wont. Until you understand what he wants. Isaiah 43 puts it simple. God even i have that struggle to keep it in. But i thank you for your gentle heart. Lord you know my situation, yet all i can say let it be for your glory and i will do my best to remember my past but not dwell in it. I got some big scars and need them to be healed. Like fully heal like Nicole said. Until the day comes when someone speaks of the subject and it does not bother you, your not healed. I'm glad though that i have come to you in so many ways. I can not let emotions lead my faith. But just the plane simple truth that your the God that made the Universe and gave me name before i was born. Lord just hear my prayer, my petition, my cries for your wisdom, your guidance, and your strength in all my situations. You know what for people it may seem funny that i go to a Korean Church, but in God's eyes we are all the same. I do struggle time to time being their. But look at my faith, look at my walk, look at what Christ has done and hes not even a quarter of the way done. I will have much more struggles, but for what, to just become more closer to him and one with him. I realized my greatest scar now and why it effects my life with friends, family, church, and girls. Its because i come to realize i need love like everyone searches for, but thankfully i am realizing sooner that i need him first. Relationships with family, friends, church, and a significant other will always have difficulty and be torn apart at times, but Christ love. It last forever. Thats a true relationship. His world will withstand the test of time it says in the Bible. And is true. So the fact of the matter his Lord i try so hard to get better at guitar for people to notice me. Why do i want to learn vocals? For people. Why do i tend to jump from friend to friend at times, because he or she never satisfies me. Why do i go on my dads side then my mom side time to time? Same reason. Then when my sisters argue and i choose sides. I do it because the other did something that does not satisfy me. Why is it that i can read the Bible then not read it? Because i do the same thing my heart tells me to do in every situation. Does it satisfy me? Thats where i get clouded. When i do that to your word, i mistake my emotions and throw it on you and turn away from you like everything else on the world. But funny thing is you never turn your back and we can always go to the word and from there you speak your soft words to the heart that are full of truth and are never changing. But this world, its changing, its untruthful, and can turn its back when ever. Lord, not just guide me, but be part of me inwardly and outwardly. Help me turn my situation for your glory. Help me change my heart, mind, and soul. This year help me in every way. I'm becoming more of an adult, but in a sense more of a child asking his father for every second to hold his hand and carry him in time of crisis. Let it be when i read your words, im reading the mirror image of my savior. Thank you so much Lord. Thank you.